Threesomes: A User's Guide
How to (really) manage a ménage a trois.
Hollywood rarely depicts sex accurately: near-instantaneous, always-simultaneous orgasms? Sheets that conceal only naughty bits? But on screen threesomes get at least one thing right: the act is often hot and the aftermath is often messy. Everyone betrays everyone else in the movie Wild Things. A friendship is doomed in Y Tu Mamá También. And in HBO's Entourage, Turtle and Drama must deal with the heterosexual male nightmare of having "crossed swords."
Of course, that’s not to say all threesomes lead to disaster. Inviting someone else into bed can be a positive experience for all parties, but the presence of a third person does magnify the hazards all couples must face—from feelings of jealousy and self-loathing to unpleasant realities like sexually transmitted disease and social stigma. Portrait Of An Open Marriage
People fantasize about threesomes for any number of reasons: the opportunity to totally make out with another person without cheating, a chance to share something exciting and taboo with their partner, or the sensation of an extra pair of hands, eyes, and… other things in bed. But no matter what your motivation, the high stakes require that you pursue a threesome the right way for the right reasons.
"Plenty of men and women fantasize about threesomes—yet that doesn't mean they should actually have one," says advice columnist and sexologist Logan Levkoff. "Some couples are quite capable of handling it, but the majority of people can’t because emotions get in the way."
To determine if you're ready for a ménage à trois, see if you feel comfortable raising the subject with your partner. You can ask point blank if he's ever thought about it, or you can broach the subject in a roundabout way—through dirty talk during sex, or while watching a conveniently telling movie or TV show (see above).
Regardless, you should then be able to speak frankly about the realities of the situation. Make it clear that you find your partner attractive and that your desire isn’t a result of deficiencies in your relationship. Then be honest with yourself and with him about your capacity to not just endure, but to enjoy sharing each other with someone else.
Discussion
I can relate, but did not hear much about "Managing a threesome". I want one with my wife and another man. I also want it to be a long term relationship that she can enjoy when ever and as often as she likes. I believe friends are the only way to go not some party where you know no one or don't have a history with the other person, it has to be personal and caring.
"Hollywood rarely depicts sex accurately"
Tell me about it. The article is about managing a threesome, but the photograph shows four people.
Phhhhhhhhht.
For the most part, I liked this article and I found it to be quite openminded. But I was bothered by the suggestion that someone looking for a purely-sexual, (most likely) one-time-only hook-up should seek this within the polyamory community. There most certainly are poly folk who are interested in casual sex, but as a whole, this is not what polyamory is about. Polyamory is about having multiple romantic relationships, not just multiple sexual partners. A couple seeking a stranger for a threesome would do better to check out a local swingers group or even Craigslist.
