What do Paris Hilton, Pamela Anderson, Gena Lee Nolin, and R Kelly have in common? (No, it’s not that they’re natural blondes.) The answer, of course, is that they’ve all made embarrassing—and, in one case, incriminating—sex tapes that weren’t intended for public consumption, and then sat by relatively helplessly as the tapes were sold to and watched by millions of strangers.
The idea of a family member, coworker, or online porn distributor with good lawyers getting his or her hands on your sex video is a mood-killing, mortifying thought. Yet filming sex can heighten intimacy between you and your partner while providing a two-pronged sexual thrill: the exhibitionism of being on camera, and the voyeurism of watching yourselves later.
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To fully enjoy the thrill, therefore, simply erase the video after you’ve watched it—you can always make another. Then, relax. “You’re not a porn star, or a pornographer,” says Dr. Laura Berman, an Oprah favorite and director of Chicago’s Berman Center, which is dedicated to women’s sexual health. “No matter how many porn movies you’ve seen, you’re not going to tape yours in a way that’s going to turn out how you imagine it. You should expect a lot of giggles.”
David and Caroline* had never talked or even thought about filming themselves having sex—until David brought home a digital video camera for a work project. “I asked him how much memory it had, and he said only about ten minutes,” says Caroline, a 28-year-old consultant in Miami. “I joked that it would never be enough time for us, but it didn’t stay a joke for long.”
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