Woman Feels 'Extremely Jealous' Of Her Successful Boyfriend — 'I Wish I Made Better Decisions & Didn't Ruin My Life'
It’s never too late to start over.
Dean Drobot / Canva Pro Sometimes, life hits you when you least expect it.
You could be following a certain path, and something out of your control steers you off track, leaving you with no choice but to endure the changes and get back up again. Unfortunately, this is easier said than done.
One woman can’t fathom the success of her boyfriend while she struggles to find the motivation to build hers.
In a Reddit post, a 25-year-old woman broke down about her jealousy of her 27-year-old boyfriend’s successful career while she felt stuck working in the food service industry.
She explained how they met through studying the same program in college, and they had been together since.
During her time in college, she was studying pre-law with the hopes of going into corporate law or international politics. In her junior year, her mother passed away from cancer, and only a few weeks later, her sister was hit by a drunk driver.
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She couldn’t bear the pain of losing her mom and her sister becoming paralyzed, all within the span of a few weeks. She was already struggling to manage her grades, so she ended up dropping out of school and losing her scholarship.
Her boyfriend never held this against her, although he went on to graduate with numerous degrees. She said by 25, he had launched into his career, having the opportunity to travel around the world and making six figures.
“I am so… proud of everything he’s achieved,” She expressed. “He truly deserves all of it. But I just can’t help hating myself. He’s accomplished so much, and I so little. Every time he gets a new accolade, writes another college student a recommendation letter, or gets to go on a new adventure, I die a little more inside.”
She resents herself for dropping out and wasting her 20s being 'depressed and lethargic.'
She explained how she suffers from depression and anxiety, and she is struggling to have empathy for herself and her experience.
Her boyfriend is not aware of how serious her mental state has become. She hides her jealousy and self-loathing from him so as to not burden him with her pain, but she is suffering in silence.
She shared how she feels inconsolably lost and has no idea how to help herself. She wishes she made better choices and blames herself for "ruining her life."
“I feel like such a different person compared to when I first started dating my boyfriend,” she wrote in her post. “I used to have so much energy and hope for the future. Now I’m just tired, confused, and sad.”
She revealed that she comes from an Asian family who placed pressure on her to pursue a career that would bring her the financial freedom her low-income parents never had. She explained that her parents were genocide survivors, so her plan was to be a human rights lawyer because helping the "downtrodden and forgotten" always resonated with her deeply.
She aspires to achieve success the way her other first-generation Asian cousins have.
Sadly, her father called her a failure and claimed her mother died for nothing, which has likely impacted her mental health substantially. She said she plans to prove him wrong, but she has no idea where to begin.
She shared how she wants to go back to college, but she can’t afford it and doesn’t know what she’d study.
Reddit users commented sharing similar experiences and offering hopeful solutions and sentiments.
“You can’t undo the past but you can change the future! Channel that jealousy into productivity,” one person commented. “I took extra time to finish uni (still in it actually) after my dad passed and mom got cancer too. I am almost 27 and not even near the oldest in class, nobody minds. You got this.”
Another Reddit user suggested she open up to her boyfriend and ask for his support in returning to college.
“It’s okay to not have a clear end goal in mind now, looking around and thinking of what you could potentially do can be exciting … then talking it through with [your boyfriend] once you have a plan might really give you some fresh inspiration,” they shared.
Reddit users also suggested she consider looking into applying for federal student loans and FAFSA to help her return to university. “You've already accomplished so much humanitarian work by caring for your mom and sister. That was important and valued, even if you don't get recognized for it,” one person assured her.
“Legal employers do not frown on people coming into the law practice later in life,” another person shared. “The practice of law involves a bit of tenacity. You going through so much and coming back to finish college and law school shows you have the ability to pick yourself up again after a stumble (not caused by you).”
It's never too late to pursue the path that feels right for you.
Comparison is the thief of joy, and this woman is suffering from the toxic nature of comparison culture and negative self-talk. This behavior is inherently discouraging her from moving forward and taking the right steps to a fulfilling life at her own pace.
When life puts you in a tragic situation that is out of your control and holds you back, it is never your fault. Show empathy and kindness to yourself, and know you will always have the chance to start again.
It’s important to normalize holding space for yourself to recover from past painful experiences, no matter the circumstances. Remember to ask for support when needed and consider your options, because there are always options.
If you or someone you know is in emotional distress, reach out 24/7 to the 988 Suicide and Crisis Lifeline by dialing or texting 988 or using chat services at Suicide & Crisis Lifeline to connect to a trained crisis counselor.
Francesca Duarte is a writer on YourTango's news and entertainment team based in Orlando, FL. She covers lifestyle, human-interest, and spirituality topics.