There are countless articles and websites filled with information on how to overcome sexual issues. There are techniques, tips and advice to be found from all manner of sources. So what is it about sex that we struggle with so much? And why does it always seem as if everyone else is having better sex?
The truth is, they're probably not. They're likely grappling with the same sexual issues you are. Those who are truly experiencing better sex are typically further along in years, or further along in their relationship. So take heart. Relax. There's plenty of time to get there. But sexual satisfaction won't happen by chance. There's work to be done.
It's amazing to me that sex can create such incredible emotional connections and orgasmic ecstasy, while at the same time it can just as easily create profound isolation, loneliness and shame. It all boils down to this: sex is much more than an act. It's a metaphor. How you do sex says a lot about how you do life, and how you do life says a lot about how you do sex.
Many married men timidly approach sex with their wives. From initiation to the actual sex act, men often fall victim to the "do what worked last time" philosophy. They look and hope for ways to have sex with their wives without bringing up the subject, or they go through their day trying not to upset her out of fear she won't want to have sex later. The problem with this is that they're not really taking charge of their life, or of their relationship. Not Tonight: What's Behind Your Lackluster Libido
Let's start with what turns a woman on. Ironically, when it comes to what turns a woman on, it's the opposite of what most men think. The biggest mistake men make is in believing that women like the same things they do. Sorry fellas, but reaching over in the morning and grabbing a breast—while it may be a fairly clear signal to you—is usually not a way to ignite her passion; nor is it foreplay.
How a woman feels when she is with a man is the primary factor in whether or not she experiences attraction and sexual desire. And what she wants to feel is trust. For the majority of women: trust = lust. If a woman seems to have lost interest in having sex with you, my guess is that you haven't given her a reason to trust you, or that you've killed whatever trust she once had.
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To really make this advice work, you need to follow these action steps to complete today's challenge.
Right now, I want you to:
When you see your wife, approach her confidently and give her a good 10-second kiss. No groping or fondling—just kiss her. Extra tip: If she has on pants with front pockets, slip two fingers in the top of each pocket to secure her body to yours.
Within 7 days I want you to:
Practice being 100 percent present every time you're with her. No checking messages, texts, emails, etc. Be with her. Listen. Talk. Look her in the eyes.
By the end of the challenge I want you to:
Have a plan and take charge of the entire evening. Tell her when to be ready to go. Hold every door for her. Take the lead throughout the evening. Don't wait for her to initiate conversation. Speak up. Lead her to the dance floor. Lead her to the bedroom. Be present. Be confident. I'm willing to bet the evening will turn out well for both of you.