Get the goods on joining the backdoor betty club.
Dr. Hilda Hutcherson loves sex toys, believes the world is much too porno-phobic, and thinks more women should give anal sex a try. In other words, she's the gynecologist every guy wants his girlfriend to meet.
Women who don't enjoy anal sex, she says, are probably doing it wrong. Intrigued, I scheduled an 8am consultation with the doctor to get the goods on joining the backdoor betty club.
1. I'm pretty sure the butt wasn't made to be penetrated. Is anal sex bad for you?
You're not going to hurt yourself if you follow the rules.
2. There are official anal sex rules?
You've got to want it. You've got to use lots of lubricant. And you've got to take it slowly.
3. How much, exactly, is a lot of lube?
You need A LOT. You've got to rub it all over the penis. Then, using your fingers, put the lubricant around the anal opening and up inside.
4. One of my friends said Astroglide is not good for anal.
Glycerin-based lubes (like Astroglide) don't last long enough. A silicone-based lubricant is going to be a lot better for anal sex. If you use one of the others, you have to stop, put more on, re-enter … it's just a mess.
5. Anal sex is probably a messy endeavor anyway, right?
No, no! I wouldn't say so, but everybody thinks you're going to have feces all over the place.
6. Really? Because I've heard stories.
Well, if she were constipated, yes. Otherwise, no, not if she has normal bowel functions. The anus does not usually have feces until it's ready to evacuate.
7. Can all women orgasm from anal sex?
Every woman has the ability to orgasm, physiologically, because the space between her vagina and rectum is so thin that, in the doggie position, the penis is going to press up against her g-spot. Some women find it's the easiest way to stimulate their g-spot.
8. So is that the position you'd recommend for women during anal?
For those just starting out, I think getting on all fours might be a little too intense, because she doesn't have as much control. Lying on your side in the spooning position won't allow penetration that's as deep. It's also a more relaxing position. When you become more comfortable, the doggie is the easiest way for a woman to orgasm.
9. Is it possible to hurt her if the penis is thrust too far in?
The penis is only so long! Contrary to what men believe, the average penis is five inches or less, erect. But if you're talking an extra-long toy then, yes, it's possible.
10. I think I just heard the male ego shatter. I found it interesting to learn that you can lose things in the butt. Does it happen often?
Not often, but it does happen. If people don't use something with a wide base, it can slip in.
11. In your book, Pleasure: A Women's Guide to Getting the Sex You Want, Need, and Deserve, you use the phrase, "being sucked in." It's not like a black hole, right? It sounds scary.
No! No! I mean, if something gets sucked in, you have to go to an emergency room most of the time to have it removed.
12. Have you heard any anal sex horror stories?
Oh all kinds of things: Light bulbs, various food items…
13. A light bulb?
Yeah. We couldn't figure out how it got in there, but all kinds of things… I guess whatever's handy at the time.
14. Maybe they were trying to act out a "how many light bulbs" joke. You said it's important for a girl to relax her sphincter muscles. How?
I use Kegels.
15. Is that like leggo my Kegel? How does that work?
She should squeeze the muscles when she breathes in and relax them when she breathes out. He should slowly push the penis in as she relaxes. You're working together.
16. So what you're saying is anal sex takes teamwork.
He shouldn't just push his way in. Men have to realize that if they make it painful, they're never getting in there again.
17. How does a guy get a girl to let him in the back door when "open sesame" doesn't work?
Well, the thing I can say to her as a doctor is, it's not unsafe. She's not going to be wearing a diaper, she's not going to have fecal incontinence, she's not going to be soiling herself or passing gas all day. From her boyfriend, she wants to know that he's not going to just get in there and go crazy. Men do sometimes—they lose their minds.
18. I'm guessing you're not talking certifiable.
Guys have these fantasies, and once they're in the midst of fulfilling them, they can lose control. A woman wants to know that he's going to work with her, and that if she has pain, he's going to stop.
19. You recommend easing your way in over a period of six days. Is there a Cliff Notes version?
You don't start out with the penis. Work your way up, stimulating the outside with a finger or tongue and then slowly use your finger to enter the anus. And then once she get used to that, you can go on to bigger and better things.