Why Men Are More Distant Than Women In Relationships


distant man
Ever wonder why you seem to care more than your man does about the relationship?

According to IndianExpress, a new study claims that women immerse themselves in their romantic relationships, while men place their romantic partners on an equal but distant footing. This study shows that generally, women appear to be more invested in their relationships than men and that their happiness and well-being is more dependent upon how things are going in their intimate relationships. Is this a surprise to you? It's not a surprise to me.

After all, who is usually the one who recognizes when things in the relationship aren't working too well? The woman. Who is it that typically seeks professional help with the relationship? The woman. Who is it that mostly spends time on YourTango, reading self-help books and going to seminars about relationships? Women. Why is it this way? (For more information, check out Secrets of Happy Couples.)


Women are biologically wired to be the nurturers. They are the ones with the skills to anticipate the needs of their partners, take care of nurturing the relationship and do the problem solving when things have gone awry. Men are more biologically wired to be the providers and protectors. It's not that the relationship isn't important to them, it's just that they show it in different ways — by working hard, establishing a career and maintaining an emotional distance.

You may ask yourself, "How can I change him? How can I make him more involved in this relationship?" I say, you shouldn't — so don't even try. InsideOut Empowerment tells us that we have five basic needs. We all have them; the strength of each is unique to each individual and they appear to be genetically programmed. That's not to say that circumstances, culture, stage of development and other factors don't impact the experience of these needs, but we are wired with a genetically determined profile that stays fairly stable throughout our lives. (To learn about your profile, take this free assessment.)

A relationship destroyer is looking at your partner, deciding he/she is deficient in some way and then attempting to "make" him/her different. It's not that people can't change; they can, it's just that they won't do it just because you want them to change!

The simple fact is: men and women are different. They tend to have different benefits in relationship but they are both interested in intimacy. Young adult women tend to be most focused on their need for connection. This manifests in having children, creating homes and nurturing their intimate relationships. That's not to say women don't have careers. They do, but most prioritize these connecting activities. Keep reading ...

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Article contributed by
Advanced Member

Kim Olver


Kim Olver, LCPC, has been featured in Whole Living, Women's World, Fitness Magazine and Counseling Today and is the best-selling, award winning author of Secrets of Happy Couples: Loving Yourself, Your Partner, and Your Life.

Connect with Kim by signing up for her FREE InsideOut Relationship Advice Newsletter and receive a FREE recording about our Life Changing Process, InsideOut Empowerment and have access to FREE relationship assessments.

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Location: Country Club Hills (Chicago), IL
Credentials: LCPC, MS, NCC
Specialties: Communication Problems, Couples/Marital Issues, Empowering Women
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