Can Your Relationship Survive After Cheating?

broken heart
Heartbreak

It is possible to save your relationship or marriage. How important is your relationship to you?

Did you know that 99% of men cheat in America — and the other 1% cheat overseas?

That is a joke, of course, which highly overestimates the percentage of men that cheat. "It is estimated that roughly 30% to 60% of all married individuals (in the United States) will engage in infidelity at some point during their marriage...Men are more likely than women to cheat. But, as women become more financially independent, women are starting to act more like men with respect to infidelity." 

We have probably all heard the statement that men tend to cheat just for sex and women cheat for emotional connection. I believe that both men and women cheat for similar reasons. Many men, and now almost as many women, spend more hours at work than at home. 

During those work hours, they may share thoughts and feelings and emotions with someone who gradually becomes more and more sexually intriguing and desirable. Another possibility is that many people marry for comfort or a sense of security with a steady partner, and once they feel secure they can more freely connect with someone who really matches their needs and desires.

But there are many other reasons for cheating and they may have very little to do with the attitudes, appearance, or behaviors of the partner or spouse.

  • They seem to have gotten it all (successful career, financial abundance, suitable mate) too easily and too early to develop authentic appreciation.
  • They got pressured into a long term committed relationship before they were really ready to love and to serve a partner for life.
  • They are disillusioned with life, their career path, or qualities in their own self that they project outward onto their partner.
  • They have experienced a death or loss that they have not been able to reconcile or come to terms with.
  • They are seeking a quick fix, a momentary high, or an escape from facing problems.
  • They were never really in love with their partner and stayed for different reasons.
  • They no longer like or respect their partner or their needs have changed over time but they are afraid to let go.
  • They were brought up in a culture or a family that encourages or condones infidelity.

So one of you cheated and the other person knows. What do you do now?

Instead of running to a new and different person to assuage your insecurities and fears, I suggest that you take the higher road. Involve your intimate partner. Seek counseling together. Attempt to bridge the gaps that have developed.

Face your feelings and your fears and share that with your partner. Sometimes, in fact often, it is that emotional closeness that has been cut off making one or both of you vulnerable to outside attentions. 

Next: The benefits of positive coaching and psychotherapy...

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