Women Who Believe These 3 Lies Have The Hardest Time Finding Love
These lies you tell yourself are keeping you single.
Jorge Garcia González | Canva We all lie to ourselves about a variety of things in life. We pretend certain issues don’t bother us, or we claim that the diet starts on Monday. It’s a human thing to do, even when we're completely aware the lies we most want to believe may be keeping us from what it is we want most. For women trying to figure out how to find true love in happy, healthy relationships, there are three particularly common dating "tips" that are damaging lies that only serve to crush their self-esteem and sabotage their chances of finding what they crave and deserve.
These myths start as little white lies and can turn into big problems — at least, as long as you think missing out on true love is a big problem, and if you're wondering how to find love, I'm guessing you do! If you've been trying to follow one of these common dating tips for women, you may unknowingly be seriously hurting your chances of finding true love in a healthy relationship.
Women who believe these 3 lies have the hardest time finding love:
1. "I must love myself first before I can love someone else."
The first lie women believe is that they must love themselves before they can have healthy relationships with men. As a result, they refuse to get into a relationship before they’re filled to the brim with self-confidence. This hurts women on two fronts: to begin, projecting anything too far into the future is problematic — any time you delay X until Y happens, you set yourself up for remorse.
The other problem is that this way of thinking prevents women from viewing the relationship as a vehicle upon which to love themselves on a higher level. A good relationship can be that vehicle — it provides the drive to let women thrive. Your partner can teach you how to love yourself more fully. In a healthy functioning relationship, this happens naturally.
2. "It's weak to depend on a man."
Most women tell themselves that it's weak to depend on men for a good reason — they’ve been let down in the past. And I'm not talking about depending on a man to write your paycheck or feed you. We're talking about a deeper level of being able to let your guard down and allow love in. When you’re in a loving, committed relationship, dependency isn’t bad as long as it’s a two-way street (i.e., the man depends on you as well!).
Dependence is genuine and authentic and allows you to be open to the possibility of someone having your back, and that's a road to a happily ever after when it comes to a healthy relationship. Depending on your partner, it inspires them to be strong. It also communicates you trust them. Believe it or not, it takes more strength to open yourself up to depending on someone than it does to stay guarded on your island.
3. "If I'm good enough, he'll change for me."
This lie is the hardest to break free from, and the most common. Many women believe that if they change themselves, the man will follow suit. What they’re doing is taking too much responsibility for their partner’s character (or pursuing emotionally unavailable men). This forces women to settle into a relationship that’s barely breathing. Remember, the best relationships aren’t about changing people; they’re about loving them for who they are already.
Clayton Olson is an International Relationship Coach, Master NLP Practitioner, and Facilitator specializing in dating, empowering men and women, self-esteem, and life transitions. He has 20 years of experience working to optimize human behavior and relational dynamics.