6 Things That Make Men Hate Women
Misogyny is not inherent. It’s learned, and it can be undone.
Bricolage / Shutterstock If you take a look at most of the major social media platforms on the net, you’ll see a lot of men who, for one reason or another, hate women.
They’re not quiet about it. They make sure to tell what they think about women in the comments of articles, videos or forums.
They tell women their "value expires after 30," and that "they’re entitled."
This level of vitriol, where you actually take time out of your day to tell people you hate them, is insane. But, it’s insanely common.
Believe it or not, I understand why guys get this way. There is a system in place that makes it easy to hate women. Here are the most common reasons I’ve witnessed that make men into woman-haters.
Here are 6 things that make men hate women:
1. They are sold a lie and a lot of bad expectations
Men have a very weird set of messages hurled at them from the day they are born, especially when it comes to women. These messages come from parents, friends, online dating gurus, romantic comedies, porn, and more.
Honestly, it boggles my mind when I hear how toxic some of the messages men get can be. The most common ones I’ve seen include:
- Just wait around and a girl will come along and you two will be happy together.
- Your wife will always take care of the kids and cook.
- Just be nice, she’ll date you eventually.
- If you can’t break your virginity in high school, there’s something wrong with you.
- Keep pursuing her — eventually, she’ll see how good you are.
- Women will love you for you — no need to improve yourself.
- Women only love your money.
- Women don’t love men. They love what men can do for them.
- Every guy will get their dream girl and she’ll be smoking hot and perfect for them.
- If you can’t get a girlfriend, there is something wrong with you.
- Women are crazy, don’t listen to their complaints.
RELATED: 15 Big Signs You're In Love With A Man Who Hates Women
When you’re fed all these conflicting messages, it’s so easy to feel confused, frustrated, and disparaged.
Most men will have at least one major point in their lives where they sit down, cry, and wonder what they did wrong in their failures in love.
Sometimes, they end up hearing the wrong advice from the wrong person for too long. When this happens, they blame women for their shortcomings or just lose respect for women. As you can imagine, this can be very difficult to overcome.
2. They had one too many bad relationships or experiences with women they wanted to date
We do not teach men how to handle bad relationships, how to vet dates, and how to recover from abuse.
As a society, we also don’t teach men to cope with rejection in a healthy manner. We just collectively go, "Okay, man up."
Man up. Ugh. I mean, what does that even mean?!
For men, dating often feels like a game they are not given the rules. And let’s face it. When you try your best and you still fail, there’s a certain point where you are going to feel like you’re fed up.
Bad experiences condition humans of all gender to aversion. This is doubly true when you’re not given any sort of healthy, constructive advice on how to handle things without hate.
Because of the way that men aren’t really given much to go with, it only takes a handful of bad relationships or too much rejection to make them decide to write off women.
3. Some men hate women because it’s encouraged
In a lot of circles, men find themselves encouraged and even "egged on" by other men to say and do things that are hurtful to women.
Sometimes, it’s done because it’s funny. Other times, it’s because the guy uses mutual hate of women as a way to bond.
Regardless of the whys, the truth is that this is unhealthy AF. Eventually, if you say and do things long enough, it stops being "just playing along." You start to internalize it.
If it continues long enough, then it’ll seep into your relationships and sour things. This is why a lot of the talk about women leaving men ends up being a self-fulfilling prophecy. Women can pick up on misogynistic energy, you know!
Believe it or not, those "friends" aren’t your friends. They are dragging you down by making you a hateful person. You’re better than that, my bros!
4. Some men hate women because they had toxic moms
I dated several guys who had this issue, and without fail, it made them loathe women.
A bad mom is a mom who undermines a man’s confidence, tries to control their every move, and at times, can even act like a jealous girlfriend. Emotional incest from a mother can kill a man’s love of women.
Well, with one of my exes, I’m pretty sure that it wasn’t just emotional incest. It was a litany of abuse that was spiritual, sexual and emotional. That woman destroyed her kids, absolutely destroyed them.
When you grow up in a household that teaches you to treat your mom like an enemy, it’s not surprising when you see all women that way. How men react to it can change, but the truth is, it always shows in some form of hate and resentment.
I really wish I could say something else about this aside from hoping that the men who were exposed to this can get therapy and eventually heal. Having seen the outcome, this is a true life-ruiner.
The sooner guys like this can distance themselves from Mother Dearest, the sooner they can hopefully start putting the pieces of their lives together.
5. A lot of men feel resentful towards women because they think dating is easy for them
I remember dealing with the first guy who really slut-shamed me online. He kept mentioning, "Women can get sex whenever they want! It’s so easy for you! You just sit back and men shower you with presents and money!"
Honestly, a lot of men hate having to pursue women. They also hate the fact that it seems like men have to do all the work, while women flippantly reject them and get presents.
Truth be told, this is not what dating looks like for women.
Men don’t see the amount of vetting women have to do, the unsolicited d*** pics, the risk of sexual assault, the unending pressure to "be the cool girl" despite feeling hurt, and more.
They don’t see it. They see the "prime cuts" of dating.
They also see the men who get laid a bunch, and when you’re not getting much play, it’s easy to resent the situation. Most men do not blame the "Chads" of dating. They blame women because it’s easier and they can’t relate to what’s going on in their lives.
Not seeing the full picture would make any guy feel some type of way from time to time. It’s a different type of hurt — but one that should be acknowledged and confronted nonetheless.
This type of resentment almost always plays into a self-fulfilling prophecy, so it tends to sit and simmer for years. It takes concentrated effort to get out of that resentment spiral.
6. Many men learn to hate because groups that don’t have their best interests in mind encourage it
There is a known phenomenon among FBI and CIA studies linking misogyny and male entitlement to violence and extremism. This is by design and it’s time we wake men up to the fact that extremist groups are taking advantage of them.
Extremist groups know that they can recruit men who feel emotionally low and isolated by telling them, "Hey, it’s women’s fault. And it’s this other group’s fault, too."
One thing I read in passing said that Al Qaida and ISIS both recruited men by promising them each a wife. This wouldn’t surprise me. When men prey on other men, they make a point of turning relationships into ownership.
Men, be wary of groups that tell you that you should own, dominate and control a woman. Be wary of groups that make you hate women. They are never there to actually help you out — even if you are their intended target.
Here’s my take on all this…
I’ll be honest. I think a lot of men are hurting and they can’t even figure out why.
Is it the expectations that keep shifting? The changing goalposts? Does it feel like you don’t even know what you’re supposed to do or expect?
Our society makes it hard for men to be healthy and keeps pressuring them to see women as the solution to their problems. This is not going to work for most guys. It’s poisonous AF and it breaks my heart to see so many men suffer.
My advice? If you hate women, don’t date them and avoid talking to them until you’re ready — even as friends.
Rather than try to pursue people you don’t like, go to a therapist. Cry it out. Talk and vent to your friends. Oh, and stop listening to poisonous media. It’s not there to help you.
Guys, I want you to know that your pain is valid. You just have to figure out what you can do to recover from what our toxic society has done to you.
When you’re feeling better, it’s totally cool to rejoin the dating scene. I mean, if you want to. I totally understand if men choose to permanently walk away from women. If it gives you a better sense of peace, I’m all for it.
Ossiana Tepfenhart is a writer whose work has been featured in Yahoo, BRIDES, Your Daily Dish, Newtheory Magazine, and others.