10 Signs He's Definitely Not Ready For A Relationship
Don't waste your time on him. He's not ready.
Cookie Studio / Shutterstock “How many times do I have to kiss a frog before one of them turns into Prince Charming?”
Or just any nice, charming guy? Is there a charming friend of a friend I haven't been set up with yet, maybe? I hear you loud and clear. I’m tired too.
If you’re anything like me, you’re pretty good at reading people — but you manage to look past the red flags you see in people — because you're excited to jump into a new relationship. It’s nothing to be ashamed of, as you're certainly not alone in this, but it’s definitely something we can all work a little harder at changing now that we've started a new year (or at any time you realize you need to work on this, for that matter).
If you want to find a great, charming guy to be in a real, fulfilling, lasting relationship with, it's important to pay attention to detail and stop wasting so much time on the wrong men. There are often signs that scream “Don’t do it!” when you meet a guy who's clearly not ready for a relationship, and it's critical that you allow yourself to see them.
If you recognize the man you're dating in many of the 10 non-negotiables listed below, trust me — he’s not ready for a relationship.
Let’s get into it!
10 Signs he's not ready for a relationship
1. He lacks trust.
This should always be one of your top non-negotiables. Without trust, there’s nothing. Literally. Unfortunately, the lack of trust he has for you usually comes from personal insecurities he’s dealing with due to his own baggage that may need deep, emotional work you can't help him with. It could also be the result of something a previous girlfriend did to him or vice versa.
Nevertheless, it is one of the most damaging and difficult things to deal with in a relationship — especially when you haven’t even given them a reason not to trust you. Ultimately, he won't be ready to build a lasting relationship with someone he isn't capable of trusting.
2. He lacks ambition.
I literally cannot imagine how hard it must be to spend so much of your time with someone who doesn’t want anything out of life. It sounds boring AF if you ask me. I want to be sympathetic, but at the same time, I can’t stand the fact that people go through life without realizing they need to (and, even more importantly, deserve to) live a full life with reason and purpose.
If you find a beau who hasn’t quite tapped into that mindset, help him find the way, girl! If you find that he isn’t interested in being ambitious about anything, do yourself a favor and move on.
3. He lacks confidence.
It’s a sad sight to see, but just like with lacking ambition, this could potentially be fixed. Sometimes a man just doesn’t see how great he truly is and he needs you to show him that. If you really like him, it shouldn’t be hard to point out the things about him that made you want to pair up with him in the first place.
Share with him the things that make him more important and special than the other guys he is worried about and reassure him that you are with him because you want to be. Some men just need to hear it. If he doesn’t bite, you may want to consider moving on because a lack of confidence could potentially bring a slew of other issues to follow.
4. He’s insecure.
If he's grappling with a lot of insecurities, it’s important to try and identify the source of them so that you can find ways to reassure him. Although it’s not your responsibility, per se, if you truly care about someone, you should put effort into whatever is needed in order for you two to grow together. That’s really the only way I see you being able to bring about a solution to this non-negotiable.
If he seems reluctant and won’t accept your reassurance, though, then it's time to get out of there.
5. He's only interested in you physically.
If he’s ready for a relationship, he should be interested in more between the two of you than the physical. If he's not interested in stimulating you with his mind and personality, that is definitely not a sign that he's not ready for a relationship.
6. He's selfish in bed.
No, it’s not all that matters, but let’s be clear — you deserve to have mind-blowing sex with the person you want to call your man. Everything won’t be perfect, but the sex should be at least an eight on a scale of one to ten, and he should be interested in making sure it's as satisfying for you. Don’t cheat yourself by letting someone cheat you.
7. He picks fights with you for little or no reason.
First of all, you’re not in high school, so if you’re dating someone who reminds you of being there … that’s a clear, immediate sign that he's not ready for a relationship. The only benefit to a silly fight is makeup sex, but it is no longer cute or worth making up for when it becomes a regular event.
When you’re with someone you care about, you learn to pick and choose your battles. You need a man, not a boy.
8. He doesn’t tear you down, but he doesn’t build you up either.
Some people may not agree with me on this because they stay focused on the fact that it's great in and of itself that he doesn’t spend his time tearing you down — which is great, don’t get me wrong! However, it’s still important to be with someone who wants to bring out the best in you.
You don’t want to be with someone who is content with either one of you being stagnant. You deserve a man who desires and looks forward to building you up whenever he gets the chance (and you should definitely be doing the same for him)!
9. He constantly complains about the things that make you, you.
When you're in the throes of a new relationship with someone, it’s the quirky things about him that you learn to love. Some might argue that you end up loving him that much more because of them. You definitely don’t want to spend your time with someone who is critical — or even overly critical — about the habits, idiosyncrasies, and mannerisms that make you, you.
Now, I’m not saying he’s going to love every annoying little thing you do or vice versa. Again, we all need to pick and choose our battles. You didn't go into this relationship with the intention of changing each other — you liked what you saw from the beginning, and any mature, realistic person who's ready for a relationship is aware that nothing about everyone is perfect.
10. He hasn't give much thought to his life goals.
At the end of the day, when the two of you start to become serious, it's time to discuss what kind of a future each of you has planned for yourselves so you can determine whether you have genuine compatibility. The two of you should have similar life goals, or a shared vision of how you see your future, at least, if you haven't yet outlined all of your goals.
If you can’t talk about the future, you can’t very well plan on sharing one together, and the relationship can only go so far.
Isis Nezbeth is a freelance writer and the editor-in-chief of The Goddess Column.