Husband Wonders If He Would Be Wrong To Divorce His Wife Who Won't Get A Job
"I feel like I'm the only one working towards the future."
NotarYES / Shutterstock While stay-at-home parents are more common now than ever, not nearly as many people are stay-at-home partners — attending to a house with no children. It’s almost impossible for a couple to survive without bringing in a dual income, especially if they’re saving or preparing to grow their family.
One Reddit poster knows this and admitted that he has been working for years to save up enough money to purchase a home and start a family. However, in a recent post to the “Am I Wrong” subreddit, he shared that his wife has “refused” to get a job after losing hers a couple of years prior.
With growing debt and a fading “family dream,” this husband is now considering divorce and asked readers for advice on the best way to navigate it.
The man is considering divorce because his wife refused to get a job.
“We both agreed early on that we wanted kids and a house together,” he wrote, “this is still the same today.”
Photo: Ground Picture / Shutterstock
This 31-year-old man admitted that his dream of becoming a father and settling down is not a new one — it’s one that he and his wife have shared since they started dating. After getting married about three years ago, he said they decided to save up, hoping to set themselves up for financial success once they were ready.
However, right after the couple got married, his wife lost her job “due to attendance” — something that was “no surprise” to her husband, who admitted she’s late to most things.
At the time, "credit cards were paid off and we were saving money," he shared. "Going on trips, the house, the kids [were] all around the corner." With the current job market and their financial situation, he knew they needed another income to remain in a good position.
“I had a serious conversation then that we needed to find another source of income for her or everything we had already done for our future would be wasted,” he wrote.
After cycling through other jobs and trying to start a business, his wife ultimately ended up unemployed, wracking up almost $20K in debt in the process.
“Early on, she wanted to start a business,” he wrote about his wife. “Since we were in an OK spot, I let her go for her dream and be her own boss. A few thousand invested with high excitement and low effort.”
Despite the money spent and her husband’s strong-willed motivation, the business ended up failing, with no real profit to show for the work they’d done. “She tried other ideas over a year with no success,” he continued. After a couple of years, with a failed business and still no job, things started to get tense.
Photo: wavebreakmedia / Shutterstock
"I was supportive, encouraged, and helped. It made her happy, which is all I wanted to do," he wrote. However, after loving, supporting, and cheering her on for so long, he felt like it was finally time to start advocating for his own goals, dreams, and ambitions.
“Now, two years later, she’s had two jobs — one that lasted two months and another that only made $150. We have $17,000 in credit card debt," he shared. "The house and kids [are] now just a goal again."
Although he has been dedicated to paying off the debt from his wife’s unemployment, he’s concerned that his dreams will always sit on the back burner. As a result, resentment is growing. “There’s been a lot of fights over this since she lost her job and it always goes the same way," he wrote. "She likes to bring up in fights that I don’t love her like I used to before she lost her job. I would always disagree."
"I love her and still do but it’s hard to put effort into us when I am the only one doing it anymore," he continued.
It’s not a shock that financial strain has led to tension in their marriage, especially given the animosity about how the struggle started. It’s only natural that they’re experiencing this — in fact, more couples today are reporting financial-rooted issues in their partnerships than ever.
“She’s been applying from the start, but refuses to take anything that doesn’t pay her $20/hr for a desk job," he added. "I told her from day one that she doesn't need a high-paying job, literally anything will help.” Despite relaying all of this to her, along with an alluded ultimatum about having a family, she still refused to find a job.
Now, with debt growing and no additional income, this man is forced to deal with a harsh reality. Should he leave his wife? Or leave his dream of kids and a family behind?
Commenters agreed that this man is justified in seeking a divorce, highlighting that marriage should always be a partnership.
"Marriage is supposed to be a partnership, and it only works if both people are putting in the effort," one user commented. "She'd rather see you struggle than contribute. She's showing you how she is — believe it. It's not going to get better."
“This is heartbreaking to read,” another admitted. “It sounds as if she is knowingly taking advantage and taking you for granted. It will be a tough decision, but the only option to respect yourself is to end it and find someone that contributes to the relationship and respects you.”
"At this point, she's not your partner. She's your dependent. I believe it's ultimatum time," a third user advised. "Give her a month to get a job. If not, drop divorce papers on her."
At the end of the day, most viewers are on this man’s side.
Marriage is a choice that happens every morning, every night, and in every moment. If one day, it feels like your partner is no longer supporting you and your dreams, it’s valid to step back.
Zayda Slabbekoorn is a news and entertainment writer at YourTango focusing on pop culture and human interest stories.