Dad Asks If He's Wrong For Expecting His Adult Daughter Living At Home To Stick To His 'Chores-For-Rent' Policy
The daughter asked if she could reduce her chore load due to the demands of her schoolwork.
Twinsterphoto / Shutterstock A man has found himself at odds with his 20-year-old daughter after giving her an ultimatum for her to continue living in his house rent-free.
The man’s daughter claimed that his policy was unfair given the limited amount of time she had to follow his instructions. Now, the father is asking if he was being too harsh on his daughter.
The father allowed his 20-year-old daughter to live rent-free in his home as long as she did chores around the house.
Sharing his story to Reddit, the father revealed that his daughter is currently living with him as she attends college classes.
“When she moved back home, we made a deal where she would cook and clean the house as a form of payment for her living here,” the man wrote. “She agreed to it, and we both thought it was fair.”
However, recently the man’s daughter approached him claiming that she was overwhelmed with schoolwork, and asked if her chore load could be reduced.
“[She] said that the cooking and cleaning are taking up too much of her time, making it hard for her to study and complete her homework,” the man shared. “She asked if I could reduce the number of days she has to cook to give her more time for her studies.”
Photo: valeriya kozoriz / Shutterstock
“I told her that she should be grateful for the deal I offered her and that it's not that hard to do a few hours of chores compared to what many kids her age are going through,” he wrote. “I pointed out that some of her peers are working 9-5 while going to school simultaneously, and I've given her the luxury of just handling some household chores in exchange for free housing.”
After their conversation, the man’s daughter called her aunt to complain about her father’s treatment of her. Her aunt eventually called her father and criticized him for being too “strict” with her considering her workload.
“I want to stick to the agreement we made, but my sister's words have me questioning my stance,” the father admitted.
He asked if the deal he made with his daughter for her to live rent-free in his home was fair or if he should reconsider.
Photo: Odua Images / Canva Pro
The majority of Redditors sided with the man’s daughter, believing that his conditions were unreasonable.
“You say, ‘many people do this, that, and the other,’ well your daughter is not many people. She is overwhelmed with the sum of her duties right now,” one user pointed out. “She is just asking you not to have to cook some days of the week, so that she may catch up on her schoolwork. Is that so terribly unreasonable? I don't think so.”
“In a way, it feels like you're taking advantage of your daughter by making her do everything even if that means no rent,” another user commented. “20-year-olds studying should prioritize their education, the chores can be time-consuming.”
“She’s just 20, and you’re making her cook and clean every day like a maid while she’s going to college? She’s your child. Let her study,” another wrote.
Other people went as far as to label the father as “sexist” for seemingly making his daughter do all of the housework herself.
The dad attempted to clarify his stance in a follow-up post.
He explained that his sons are only “children” and therefore are unable to help as much around the house. “I'm not sexist for making my daughter cook for my sons who are only children. They don't know how to cook, let alone clean themselves,” the man alleged.
He added that he was paying for his daughter’s education and all he expected from her was a homemade meal and help around the house.
Photo: JackF / Canva Pro
However, after reading through other Redditors’ comments, the man revealed that he was considering a new ultimatum that may help out his daughter.
“Either she can get a job and pay some of the rent, so she no longer has to consistently cook & clean anymore or she can continue with the deal I initially offered her,” he wrote. “To compromise a little bit, I might change some of the days she has to cook & clean, to days where she has more free time to do so.”
The father claims that he hopes his daughter realizes “how good” his original offer to have her live at home was.
“Some may think I'm being harsh, but my stance is different on that because at her age I was going to school and I paid full rent by myself with no help from my family,” he shared. “So I believe this to be a fair compromise.”
Financial expert Vivian Tu is a firm believer in adult children paying their parents rent if they live at home.
She told The Ascent that the reasoning is two-fold. Children without rent obligations tend to spend money more frivolously instead of saving. Tu suggests parents who can afford to take rent from kids and save that money for them to give them a leg-up later when they can make better financial decisions.
By paying rent before they even leave home, young adults can have a better understanding of saving, and budgeting, and learn to to take the obligation of paying rent more seriously. This way when they move out and live in a place to call their own, they will be better prepared.
However, if your child is still in college, you may want to reach a fair compromise when it comes to paying rent and doing chores around the house. Attending college is an unpaid full-time job in itself, after all.
Ultimately, there is no one-size-fits-all answer. The decision should be based on the specific dynamics of the family.
Megan Quinn is a writer at YourTango who covers entertainment and news, self, love, and relationships.