Does Love REALLY Mean Overlooking ALL Of Your Partner's Flaws?


Can you see beyond the obvious (and hidden) flaws of the one you love?

Getting to know the perks AND quirks of your partner is a process that everyone faces in a relationship.

But, if you have unconditional love for someone, does that mean you must accept their flaws? Or are there some short-coming that should never get a pass? 

In a short answer—yes, it's OK to overlook some obvious flaws. Because they're obvious, you typically know what you're getting yourself into. For instance, if you date a smoker and wish that they didn't smoke— sorry! You KNEW that your partner smokes, so if you fall in love, you'll likely have to accept that flaw.

This opens a giant can of worms for many people: "If they love me, why won't they respect my dislike for smoking enough to quit?" They might spit a similar response back: "If you love me, why won't you accept my smoking habits?"

Every person has different views and reasons behind their thinking, so whether or not you look past an obvious flaw depends on you. If you lost a dear loved one to smoking-related lung cancer, you'll likely feel less inclined to look past your partner's smoking habit.

But behavioral flaws become a whole new ballgame if they are hidden.

If you didn't know your partner smokes and you find out well into the relationship, you''' probably feel deceived. This is definitely true if your partner deliberately hid this habit from you. That action is a red flag since it is a breach of trust.

And loss of trust is very difficult for most individuals to overcome.  

If you cannot deal with your partner's human errors, should you break up? Maybe. If your partner's flaws are repeatedly becoming a source of your unhappiness or frustration in your relationship, then it is time to find a way to overlook them, correct them ... or leave.

If you cannot see past a major flaw and your partner is unwilling to make a change, then it's important to weigh your options: Stay and ignore it, or leave and never deal with it again.

If this flaw is petty, let it go. If their flaws are numerous and petty, perhaps you two shouldn't be together if so many things bother you.

If your love is truly unconditional, overlooking obvious flaws is part of the deal. You love them unconditionally and that makes seeing past the flaws part of loving them.

Does that mean that hidden flaws that surface after you fall in love don't pose a threat to your relationship? No, they certainly might. The new-found flaw might change your love.

Say your significant other was a hardworking, supportive partner for the first few years of your relationship. If you move in together and they suddenly no longer keep their job or are no longer there for you in terms of emotional support, then it's safe to say that your love can change since they have changed.

Looking over these flaws would mean you are looking over the flaws of the partner you used to love unconditionally before they changed, not the partner that they are being currently.

Love can fall apart if hidden flaws surface after being together for a long period of time.

If you are unhappy because your partner will not return to being the person that they were before their flaws came to light, you should question why you are still with this individual, especially if you are unhappy. Realize that they are no longer the person you chose to love unconditionally.

As the old adage goes: Communication is key in every relationship. If you cannot openly talk to your significant other about what you consider a "fatal flaw" and come to a reasonable solution, then you have more than one problem on your hands.

Try to compromise if you want things to work out. You need to figure out if the flaw is something that both CAN be fixed and something that they are willing to fix. If they can't, it means that they are incapable or do not have the means to fix it. If they won't fix it, it means that they refuse to.

If that is something you can respect, look past it. If it is not and you cannot overcome that decision, let them go.

Explore YourTango