5 Warning Signs Of An Abusive Relationship
Would you know an abuser if you saw one?
Known abuser Chris Brown is making headlines again this week for his violent ways. But did you know there are definite personality traits that are typical of a man who abuses? While not every abuser falls under this profile, here are five typical warning signs that the guy you're with doesn't have your best interests at heart:
1. He starts out fun, exciting, and charasmatic. This guy will zoom into your life at mach one speed. He will sweep you off your feet. You won't have any thoughts but intense levels of romance, love and adventure. He will probably be on the top of the list of any other date you've ever been on. He is first class in his choices, and even though you may have told him "no" at first, he will never, ever take your "no" as an answer.
2. You feel safe and protected at first. You will think you are with a knight that has ten layers of shining armor. There is no dragon that he won't slay for you. He "zeros in" on you and promises that you are the one for him, possibly within a few days or weeks of meeting.
3. You begin to notice slight changes in his personality. Once you buy into his message, you might start noticing subtle lies or stories that just don't add up. He begins to show signs of anger at the slightest provocation. You will especially notice this when he is behind the wheel of his car. He is nasty there and expresses that others mistakes are a personally directed to him.
4. He begins to demand all of your attention. He needs you to be available when he wants you, yet might abandon you when you really need him. He begins to make fun of you, calls you names or inflicts little digs in the form of hostile humor. You begin to feel awkward andn controlled around him. He might threaten to withdraw from you if you don't comply to his wishes.
5. He takes no responsibility for his actions. He blames others, things, circumstance and especially you for his behavior and circumstances. He may give you wonderful gifts but there are always strings attached. He starts isolating you from your friends and family. Keep reading ...
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At this point in the relationship, you begin feeling confused. The main underlying emotion in when you are in a relationship with an abuser is confusion. When I work with clients and they begin to say the word "confusion" time after time when describing a certain relationship, I know to assess for an abusive situation.
If you are in a physically abusive relationship, the number one goal should be to get safe. Do not think you can change him or do things well enough to make things better. In all likelihood, this guy will never change whether you are in his life or not. You must get safe if you are receiving any touch that is not given in love, respect or dignity. Pushing, shoving and hitting is not acceptable for any reason.
If any of the signs above resonate with your heart concerning the relationship you are presently in, you need to seek guidance of caring friends or a professional therapist. This relationship has little hope of change and you are headed down a road of destruction, betrayal and intense pain.