4 Reasons You Can Forgive Someone You Love


4 Reasons You Can Forgive Someone You Love
Forgiveness is for you as well as the relationship - find sources in your spirituality to help do it

When you have become emotionally close to another person, you have become more vulnerable. This vulnerability opens the doors for that person to do things that really hurt, which often comes out when conflicts arise. At the same time, you can develop higher expectations about what the other person does and how they should act towards you. This also can lead to unfulfilled expectations which could result in resentment or even anger, even without the other person knowing that they have done something to hurt you.

A recent study has shown that people with increased spirituality have improved mental health, in part because of the role of forgiveness. This helps to point to the fact that the person forgiving gets as much benefit, if not more, out of the act of forgiveness as the person being forgiven. In forgiving the person that you love, you are setting aside your anger and your resentment. These are elements that can eat away at you and detract from wholeness within your relationship. In looking at this understanding of forgiveness, it is important to recognize that it does not preclude being angry or resentful, in fact recognizing and feeling your reaction to what happened is important before you are able to forgive. Similarly, there is a difference between forgiving and forgetting – forgiving is not about approving of what the other person has done but is all about how you relate with the other person, especially inside of yourself.


So, how are you able to forgive someone that you love?
1. Explore how your own spirituality allows you to be forgiven for things you have done. If you come from one of the Abrahamic traditions (Judaism, Christianity, Islam) this may be rooted in history based on the way God has forgiven humans over time. If you come from traditions out of the Indic family of religions (Buddhism, Hinduism, Jainism) this may be rooted in an understanding of compassion and that forgiveness is cultivated from a philosophy of peace. If you come from aboriginal or indigenous religions this may rooted in the work of the spirits. Regardless of where these roots are, pay attention to the fact that at your essence you have needed forgiveness as well as the reasons why you have been able to be forgiven.

Keep reading...

More Juicy Content From YourTango:

Article contributed by
Advanced Member

The Rev. Christopher L. Smith

Marriage and Family Therapist

The Rev. Christopher L. Smith, LCAC, LMHC, LMFT has served as a national leader around mental health issues both within the Presbyterian Church (U.S.A.) and in professional counseling organizations.  He works directly with individuals, couples, families and supervisees as the Clinical Director of Seeking Shalom in New York City.  He also brings his insight to help a wider audience through writing, speaking and consultations.

Location: New York, NY
Credentials: LAC, LMFT, LMHC, MDiv
Specialties: Couples/Marital Issues, Forgiveness, Spiritual
Other Articles/News by The Rev. Christopher L. Smith:

Will Marriage Counseling Work For You After An Affair?


Imagine you are in a situation where you have found that your husband cheated on you. When you two first discussed this, he temporarily moved out of the house. A few weeks go by and he says he would like for both of you to go to marriage counseling. Your first reaction is "no way" because he is still maintaining a "friendship" with the other ... Read more

3 Steps To Forgive Your Spouse And Repair Your Marriage


You have just had a fight with your spouse. As has been the case with past arguments in your marriage, the two of you are not talking. You are dreading the fact that in a few hours it will be bed time. Think honestly about what is going on in your mind. What are you thinking? Often, your thoughts are likely to be about how you were right and how your spouse has ... Read more

7 Ways To Raise Super Grateful Kids

By ,

As a parent, it can be awfully tempting to spoil your kids, especially around the holidays. And while it's okay to regale them with gifts every so often, it's essential that they learn to appreciate what they have. With that in mind, here are some tips from YourTango Experts about how to teach your kids the importance of gratitude: 1. Model ... Read more

See More

My Videos
Must-see Videos
Most Popular