50 Things You Should Try For Hotter Sex
ProConnect

Help! I Want My Spouse Back. 10 Ways To Engage Your Spouse

By

Help! I Want My Spouse Back. 10 Ways To Engage Your Spouse
What to do when your husband/wife is physically present but preoccupied online.

Have you ever asked yourself what is happening when your spouse is online and you can't seem to get their attention no matter what you say or do? Maybe they are spending large amounts of time looking at the news, playing video games, facebooking, responding to twitter friend posts, viewing pornography or chatting in adult chat rooms. Has your spouse reconnected with an old high school girlfriend? Do you wonder if you are too trusting or too jealous? Have you ever wondered what is appropriate and what crosses the line to inappropriate behavior in your relationship? These are all valid questions that more and more people are asking in their couple-ship.


Let’s look at what is happening in the relationship and how to engage your spouse.

More from YourTango: 5 Things 'Awkward' Teaches About Cheaters & Why They Blame You


1. First, ask yourself, what am I feeling when my spouse is online?  This is incredibly important to starting a conversation with your partner. 
2. If you complain about their behavior, most likely they will put up an emotional wall and won’t hear anything you say.
3. It is much better to share how you feel when they engage in the online activities. You are the expert on your feelings.  No one can successfully argue with you about what you feel.  Others simply do not have access to your inner world. Once you share your feelings with your spouse that is all you can do. Any attempt at controlling your spouses behavior will be met with resistance.
4. Once you share your feelings, it is up to your spouse to decide to change their behavior or not. 
5. If your spouse decides to get off-line and spend time with you, great!  If they continue staying online, or dismiss your feelings, you have some good information to work with.
6. There can be several reasons why a spouse is spending time online.
a. Your spouse is working and needs to finish a project
b. Your spouse is feeling stressed and uses time online to self calm.
c. Your spouse senses conflict in your relationship and unconsciously wants to escape.
d. Your spouse wants emotional intimacy but does not know how to get that need met with you and seeks it with strangers. The marriage relationship is much more risky to share emotional depth.
e. The excitement of a new relationship or rekindling of an old relationship can be much easier than dealing with building true emotional intimacy with a spouse.
f. Your spouse may lack the skills to tolerate true emotional intimacy, due to an abusive or neglectful family of origin.
7. Many times a spouse will defend the time they spend online, and may even blame you for it.  If this is happening you may need to get professional help to address this issue in your relationship. Look for a counselor who is trained and certified to work with couples with attachment and intimacy issues.
8. If you feel you are questioning your sanity, you’ve been told by your spouse that  you are crazy to question their online behavior, then get help for yourself.  You have a right to request time from your spouse.  It is healthy and supportive for spouses to spend time with one another. 

Share this with someone you love (or even like a lot)!

Let's make it
FB official
Article contributed by
Advanced Member

Teresa Maples

Counselor/Therapist

Teresa Maples MS, LMHC, CSAT, CMAT

If you are a woman who has been betrayed and want to heal and thrive  I want to invite you to my Free Webinar.

My passion is to encourage, nurture,and validate people, deepening their most important relationships to Live Life Abundantly!

Reserve my seat now for the amazing webinar, "Surviving to Thriving" Help for women after discovering your partner has cheated.

 

Location: Gig Harbor, WA
Credentials: CMAT, CSAT, LMHC
Specialties: Couples/Marital Issues, Infidelity / Affair Recovery, Sex Addiction
Other Articles/News by Teresa Maples:

5 Things 'Awkward' Teaches About Cheaters & Why They Blame You

By

On the successful MTV show Awkward, Jenna and Matty were the perfect couple — until Jenna messed it up by cheating and not taking responsibility for her actions.  The show is so compelling that I watched all three seasons in one week. It helps that I am a serious student of human nature and found the characters similar to what you ... Read more

Taking Back Your Sexuality After Trauma Or Abuse

By

If you suffered from childhood sexual abuse you probably land in one of two camps; those who have nightmares and avoid sexual experiences out of fear, and those that repeat the pattern of sexual trauma, justifying it in the name of freedom. Both behaviors are problematic and can deprive you of a fulfilling life. Even though you were abused as a child, it ... Read more

Radio Show: Healing After Betrayal

By

Carol the Coach interviewed Teresa Maples on March 3, 2014 on the topic of Partners of Cheaters. If you are interested click here and you can listen to the interview in its entirety. Teresa talked about her upcoming webinar and how she can help women who want healing after being betrayed by their partners. Many partners feel like they are going crazy and ... Read more

See More

Recent Expert Posts
Cuffs

Emotional Vampires: Skills for Dealing with the Narcissist

Expert, Margaret Jacobson shares insights gained from Albert Bernstein's, book Emotional Vampires

Smooches

One-liners Guaranteed to Turn Up the Heat

Want some off the hook sex tonight? Use words as foreplay!

Make A Move

Forgiveness : The Most Important "F-Word".

Forgive so that the past no longer holds you back. It is time to move forward.

Ask The Experts

Have a dating or relationship question?
Visit Ask YourTango and let our experts and community answer.

Resources
How to find the right pro for you
10 Reasons Mental Health Pros Should Join YourTango Experts

10 Reasons Mental Health Pros Should Join YourTango Experts

YourTango Experts can help your business go from good to great.

10 Steps To Improve Your Coaching Business

Take your coaching business from mediocre to great in no time…

Frequently Asked Questions About YourTango Experts

Thinking of joining? Here's all the facts you need to know to make the most of your membership.

Getting Your Guy To Join You In A Therapy Or Coaching Session

So how can your get your strong, self-reliant, superman to talk to an Expert with you?

Therapist/Counselors: Who We Are & What We Do

What exactly does a therapist/counselor do and can they really help?

See more resources>
HOT STUFF!
FROM OUR PARTNERS