You may have noticed that not feeling appreciated was a big issue for both of you long before the affair—this is more common in couples than you might think.
When we meet a man for the first time, one of the first things we ask is what they do for a living. This makes it sound as if we appreciate his accomplishments more than who he is as a person. For women, being appreciated is an emotional reminder that they are accepted. You don't have to tell her that you love her every day, but why wouldn't you want to? You can never tell a woman that she is beautiful often enough—not because she's shallow and needs compliments to feel whole, but to help her feel accepted by you.
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In this way, men and women are the same. No one likes to feel criticized. Appreciation is a way to show our partners we notice them and they are important in the world.
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You don't have to wait until one of you has an affair or you're both on the brink of divorce to appreciate each other. Showing your appreciation every day can only help your relationship, so do it every day. Tell your partner the things you appreciate about him/her and focus your comments in a way that shows you notice. (You could say, "I really appreciate how thoughtful you were to bring my coffee to me this morning.") Keep reading ...
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