I recently read a horror story of a woman who met a man on a dating site. He seemed perfect for her in every way. Within a few months she didn't know if she was coming or going and the man had stripped her of money, personal information and dignity. How could this have happened?
She wrote her on-line profile very honestly and answered a lot of questions in the hopes of finding someone compatible. Her intentions were very admirable, but instead of finding a compatible mate, she met a sociopath who could "invent" a man who would be perfect for her based on all the information she had provided. Instead of finding the perfect man, her profile allowed her to become the perfect prey of a psychopath.
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A client of mine told me about a budding relationship where she and her new partner texted each other hundreds of times a day. I suggested she slow down. Not only was she losing sight of her life, but he was becoming her only focus. She took my advice and slowed down. When she did, he accused her of cheating and became very controlling about wanting to know where she was every second. Without my suggested "pull back," she would have been knee deep in a controlling relationship before she knew it.
Another client of mine told me about a first date where she shared so much about her divorce, her childhood and her proclivities. I asked about him. She didn't know very much about him at all. She said he liked him. I asked why. Again, she didn't know.
And yet another client shared everything with a man she met in an on-line chat room. They talked for hours every night before finally meeting two weeks later. When they met he told her that he had another girlfriend and was interested in finding someone who would be the third person in the relationship. He kept insisting that the connection was too powerful to break, and that she would have two people to love her instead of one. She felt close to this person who was now telling her to "expand her mind" and not be a "prude." Even though the arrangement he suggested was completely out of the question, she was reeling over how much they had shared and the "click" she had felt with someone who was not honest about his true intentions. She also felt very sad to lose someone she felt so strongly about for 2 weeks.
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Oversharing. It has always been a problem but has become more so in the age of email and texting. Everyone seems to know everything about everyone. And that's a bad situation for a woman meeting men for the first time. Here are some suggestions to corral your tendency to overshare:
1. Don't put all your information out there. Let there be things that no one but your closest friends know. This is true for dating sites, Facebook or other social sharing places. Terrible people can find your information and either manipulate you with it, or they can share it with others you don't necessarily want it shared with. Don't put anything on the internet that you would not want your mother, grandmother, father, brother, sister to see. Do not send sexy photos. One wrong move and those photos are everywhere. It happens all the time.