Start looking forward to it (instead of dreading it!)
If you wait for spontaneous passion to erupt, you’re having way less sex than you could be, so why not schedule it?
Before getting into the tips and tricks of having better scheduled sex, let's first evaluate the benefits of it:
- It’s on your calendar, so it’s more likely to happen.
- You can look forward to the time you’ve blocked off. Anticipation gets you aroused.
- You can clear the decks for privacy so you can really relax and drop in together.
- Knowing in advance allows you to handle grooming and preparation ahead of time so you can get right to relaxing into foreplay.
- Showing up with a great attitude underscores your commitment to you and your partner’s pleasure and prioritizes your intimacy as a couple.
This is time you’re carving out to be completely focused on one another.
OK, here's the 'better schedule sex' foreplay strategy:
Leave enough time for a luxurious warm up and foreplay turns scheduled sex from awkward to awesome!
Take time to be naked together and feel the warmth of each other’s bodies. If you’re the more masculine partner, hold your feminine partner safely and lovingly in your arms so they can relax and get connected to you.
Sometimes it takes getting “stuff” out of the way verbally before you can both relax. Get anything off your chest you must. This isn’t a time to solve problems, it’s a time to acknowledge any issues (if there are any), and put them in “the relationship parking lot” to come back to LATER.
Once you've talked a bit to connect, spend 10-20 minutes just kissing and cuddling and settle in with each other before rushing into sex. Then, take the time to stroke each other’s bodies and awaken your sensual grid of proprioceptors (the sensors that allow you to feel your own body).
Run your hands, lips, breasts, penis … across the skin of your lover and also take this time to work out any kinks, knots or areas of pain in your body that might hold you back from the best orgasmic release possible.
Start deepening your breathing. Breathe together. It will expand your orgasms.
This is also a good time for a 5-minute foot rub for women. For men, if he’s ready and would like his penis fondled, now is the time to start.
NOW it's time to start heating things up:
Consider moving into a sensual massage for her. Rub her belly, thighs, butt, the outside of her vulva, her breasts. You can kiss her neck, collarbones, and the top of her chest while your beginning to bring warmth to her genitals. For him, start fondling his penis, laying in a base of erect tissue, starting from the root of his penis, under his scrotum. The more you fondles his penis before lovemaking, the longer he's likely to last, and the harder and firmer he'll be.
Don’t hurry. This isn’t a quickie. This is lovemaking you’ve committed to co-create.
From here you can move to oral sex. If you like the oral sex position of 69, that’s a fun way to further engorge each other’s genitals while taking a break between scenes to rest and catch your breath.
Pacing yourself will make the entire scheduled sex experience feel like you’re on a weekend getaway. So, stop, hold each other, share appreciation. Then begin kissing again.
Just because the sex is scheduled doesn't mean you can't try something new:
You can make love in a few positions, taking your time to savor each one. Experiment with toys, techniques, or exploring each other's fantasies. Not every encounter has to be adventurous, but not every encounter has to be predictable either!
By working on your sex life (instead of just mindlessly "doing it"), you can create an upward pleasure spiral where sex just keeps getting better, so don't pressure yourselves.
Take time to connect, hug and warm up your bodies!
You’ll feel less pressure to perform during scheduled sex. The pleasure will come naturally.
Don’t expect that you will be hot and horny at the beginning of your scheduled sex date. When you think of scheduled sex as a good thing and give yourselves time to connect, all you need to bring is your willingness.
This article was originally published at Personal Life Media. Reprinted with permission from the author.