Think you're just being "friendly" by sending him a flirty text or baking him a birthday cake?
When we find ourselves falling for a man, it's normal to start feeling that if we don't show enough interest in him he might get the wrong message and drift away. We want to make sure he knows we like him. So we might do things like:
1. Calling him because you heard or read about something interesting, or because you knew there was a great band playing somewhere, or someone told you about some great event that you want to invite him to.
2. Calling to ask why he hasn't called you.
3. E-mailing him, texting him, Facebooking him, sending him a cute card, dropping by his house, or in any way attempting to initiate some kind of contact.
4. Asking him how he feels — especially asking him how he feels about you or the relationship.
5. Inviting him to come and join you, or in any way acting like the social director of the relationship.
At first glance, these actions might seem completely harmless. In fact, you may feel that he'll just see you as being friendly, maybe even take it as a compliment and want to get closer to you. But doing any of these things shifts you into masculine energy, which could actually be scaring him away.
Setting Off His "Alarms"
At best, when a man feels even a little bit pursued, he’ll feel he doesn’t have to work so hard to win you over and will immediately drop his efforts. At worse, he'll start to feel more than just "pursued"…
If you keep checking in with him in all those friendly little ways that are really about getting the reassurance YOU need, he’ll start to get that "chased feeling." And then he'll do what any of us would do when feeling crowded, smothered, or pressured — he'll start moving AWAY.
Whether we realize it or not, the urge to do all of these friendly things comes from just one place — our fear of losing a man by failing to let him know we’re interested in him. But we couldn’t be more wrong by giving in to this fear, or be in worse danger of scaring a man off for good.
This type of "chasing" behavior is like an alarm going off for a man. It not only sends him the message that you're insecure in yourself … it sends him in an overly aggressive vibe that makes him feel VERY uncomfortable, even trapped.
To say the least, all of this makes you less attractive to him and makes sure he won't feel inspired to explore getting closer. After all, you're interfering with his chance to learn how he feels about the "real" you, so sooner or later he’ll lose interest — and then start looking for a chance to escape.
So, what's the answer to bringing a man closer with your words and actions instead of driving him further away?
Lure Him, Don't Chase Him
I know how frustrating it is to sit back and let a man take the lead. We want him to know we’re interested in him. We want to make it easy for him to ask us out again. We want to seem enthusiastic and easygoing.
But the only way to REALLY make sure that a man feels inspired to do everything in his power to get closer to you is to make sure that he feels happy and good around you.
What's the best way to do it?
Give him the breathing space and the opportunities he needs to start pleasing you. As long as YOU seem happy and show him how much you enjoy his company, a man will ALWAYS keep coming back for more.
Best of all, when he sees that you are a woman who is secure in herself and doesn't need to pursue him, he'll step up his game to make sure another man doesn't beat him to the chase!
So let him take the lead while you continue to be receptive to him. It will powerfully fuel his passion for you. He will adore you and appreciate you for it, and you'll be able to relax in the knowledge that you have become that rare, irresistible, highly desirable creature he’s been looking for — and that he'd be a fool to take you for granted.
Rori teaches women how to attract the right man and have the kind of close, connected relationship they've dreamed of. To learn specific ways to relate to a man — from the early stages of dating all the way through commitment — subscribe to Rori's free newsletter. You'll discover a new, fun way to date that’s all about you, raises your self-esteem, and draws the right man to you effortlessly.
More juicy stories from YourTango:
- 25 Date Night Ideas That Aren't Cheesy
- 7 Dating Websites You Won't Believe Exist
10 Dating Tips I Wish I'd Followed While I was Single