Yes, you love each other. But, happy relationships need something more.
It's a powerful word but do we really stop and contemplate what it means ... in our life, and more so, in our relationships?
Dictionary.com defines purpose as "the reason for which something exists or is done, made, used, etc." With that definition in mind, I'm curious how you might answer the question, "What is the purpose of your most intimate, loving relationships?"
For each of us the answer varies and the unique rank we give possible aspects of "purpose" reveals our truth. Yet, when was the last time you actually sat face-to-face, eye-to-eye, with your beloved and asked the question, "What is the purpose of our relationship?"
I'm guessing, likely, never.
I know, it's kind of scary to think about. First you've got to carve out time between work, kid duty (four-legged, two-legged, or both), friends, hitting the gym, visiting Mom and Pops, running for PTA office, and ensuring that you keep up all the right moves for that promotion at work.
Of course, who could forget the additional stresses of paying bills, eating healthy, sipping down an occasional dirty Martini (extra dirty), and catching the latest blockbuster at the theater.
By the time you've piled all these must do's on your plate — plus the time spent thinking of leaving your job to escape the cubicle jungle so you can start your own mad crazed entrepreneurial endeavor (screw that promotion!) — who has time for a serious conversation about the "purpose" of the relationship you share with that lump of humanity in bed next to you?!
Uhm, YOU DO!
That is, you do If you have any hopes of feeding, watering, nurturing and growing your relationship. Yes, I'm talking to you Mr. Man and Ms. Woman — you know who you are — you're the ones whining that your relationship has lost its spark.
The truth is, Purpose (with a capital "P") can truly be the saving grace of a relationship that's beginning to go awry. How so?
Pull up a chair. Imagine you're sitting face-to-face, eye-to-eye, with me, your beloved life coach, and listen to the virtues of a purpose-driven relationship.
Purpose enables you to dig deeper with an emphasis placed on what you desire from this 24/7 intimate relationship with your guy or gal. Doesn't matter if you're hetero-normative or homo-almost-normative; purpose in your relationship serves as the love guide posts for getting you to the finish line of your relationship successfully (however long as it's meant to last).
Purpose also provides a firm foundation for understanding what each person wants to experience in the relationship.
For you it could mean adventure, security, respect, curiosity, love, and independence with a dash of challenge built-in to keep it fresh. For your partner it could mean integrity, serenity, trust, love, happiness, and a big dose of sensuality.
Notice how similar yet different those two lists are.
Some of the dots somewhat overlap, but in reality each word is left open to interpretation by each party, which in turn leaves a wide open door for COMMUNICATION about the PURPOSE of your mutually shared relationship!
In essence, a couple who is purposeful in their relationship — working towards intended goals, results — clearly focused that their relationship exists for a clear purpose, are much more likely to purposefully make it work or are purposefully willing to make it unravel.
In order to master the art of a purposeful relationship, the first step is to define what a meaningful relationship is for you and your partner. The meaningful aspect is the vision, idea, concept of what you want the relationship to exude — look, feel, and how each of you want to experience the relationship. The purpose, helps keep you focused on actions that lead to the meaningful relationship.
Now the question becomes, which would you rather be? A couple of purpose, working towards a meaningful relationship or a couple off the rails, on two separate tracks with no purpose and meaningful relationship in sight.
Ready for the ultimate, purposeful relationship? Gay or straight, the ultimate relationship may mean getting serious about the purpose of your relationship.