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Are you sure you want to do that?
By Paula Mooney — Last updated on Feb 21, 2023
Love and relationships require a lot of work and effort, and it's nearly impossible for everyone to be on "good behavior" all the time; conflicts and disagreements will happen, and if not treated properly, these can lead to severe relationship problems down the line.
While love can heal a number of wounds, if you want to know how to have a healthy relationship, it might help to start by pinpointing which behaviors you're committing in your relationship that lead to unhealthy disputes and drive a wedge between you and your partner.
Put two individuals together, and try to get them to agree on everything. It simply won't happen! You and your partner have your own ideas, wants and beliefs, and typical responses.
Arguments don't have to be destructive to your relationship — but if you're doing certain toxic behaviors, they very well could be.
Here are 7 iffy behaviors that ruin your chances for love:
1. You keep a 'scorecard'
Healthy couples have no room for a relationship scorecard. You have to stop counting your good deeds against your partner's mistakes.
Everyone messes up (you should deal with individual mistakes as they arise), but you can't hold people to past mistakes that are supposedly "forgiven."
It takes practice but eliminating score-keeping will completely change your relationship for the better.
2. You constantly party or drink too much
There's nothing wrong with responsibly enjoying alcohol on an occasional basis, but it shouldn't be the focus of your relationship.
Everyone has different alcohol tolerance levels and a few too many drinks can turn you or your partner into a different person.
If partying is all you do as a couple, big (and potentially violent) fights will happen sooner or later.
By doing other things and removing alcohol from the equation, you can interact with more clarity and foresight.
3. You expect makeup sex to fix major fights or problems
It may feel good at the moment, but makeup sex isn't a good long-term solution for dealing with problems and issues. You're essentially saying that whatever happened isn't a big deal, and it'll be swept under the rug by showing physical affection.
Yes, physical affection is important. But you need to talk about certain things.
Use the time you would have spent making love to instead talk through the problem, make amends and develop a constructive plan for preventing a similar issue in the future.
4. You rely on virtual communication instead of face-to-face interaction
There's nothing wrong with texting or emailing, but don't let it become the basis for your communicative relationship. Nothing replaces face-to-face conversations or quality personal time.
So many things can go wrong when you try to interpret the meaning or inflection behind typed messages.
Make a pact with your partner to always discuss important issues in person. It will enable you to maintain a more mature and healthy relationship.
5. You are not always truthful
Lies are perhaps the most toxic thing you can bring to a relationship. Whether it's lies about your past or ongoing issues, the more transparent you are, the better.
Very rarely will a big lie go undetected forever, so it's not worth trying. Plus, honesty feels good and teaches you to display trust in other people.
6. You get jealous over minor things
Have you ever been around one of those couples that get jealous when the other talks, texts, or hangs out with a member of the opposite sex? Don't be this couple.
That sort of jealousy is petty and only shows your insecurity and lack of confidence in your partner.
If you already practice honesty, there shouldn't be a problem.
If it becomes excessive, have a face-to-face conversation and sort through the problem.
7. You talk way too much about your ex
This one's pretty simple. Don't talk about your exes.
It's OK to bring them up in the very beginning so that everyone is clear about the past, but that's it.
It's unhealthy to reflect on past relationships and typically leads to relationship score-keeping.
Healthy relationships take work, but they're possible to build and maintain.
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Paula Mooney is a writer whose essays and articles have been featured in national print magazines such as Writer's Digest, and in major online publications like Yahoo, Examiner, and more.