It's time to have an affair with yourself!
In some ways, nothing much has changed for women when it comes to sexuality. We still box it up instead of integrating sexuality fully into our lives. We have so many misconceptions about what it is to attract love, lovers and hot steamy sex into our lives.
So many of us still believe that it is the our lovers that bring sex to us, instead of the other way around. We think that someone else is going to light our fire. The fact is that if we keep waiting for the knight in shining armour to arrive we may never leave the castle.
The cold hard truth is that sexiness starts within us - and if we allow can enter all the parts of our lives. Once we can connect to that source within ourselves, we will be able to splash the joy of it onto other people - and that is where the juice lies. We really need to have an affair with ourselves! So how do we get there?
There are so many ways to recharge our own batteries - and I am a master of it. Not only did I share my own story of mid life sexual awakening in my memoir "Shameless", but I coach women from across the country on how to connect their sexuality to their lives every day.
The beginning steps may seem tiresome - but often beginning steps are. Remember we are on a journey to turn that old tired place of disconnection from our bodies to being in a place of self loving, self healing and sexy self empowerment. Let me remind you that we are not doing makeovers, that we are already here. What I am encouraging you to do is to join me in getting sexy and connected from the inside out. And I am going to continue to support you in taking those first few steps in your exploring your own sensual you. I am on a mission to help all of step onto that path of sexy self loving, and turning this year into being the one that brings out a swish to our hips and a kick to our steps.
1. Take five minutes and get naked alone. That’s right. Clear out the house so that you feel safe if you don’t have a private place in your home. Get naked and get comfortable. Put on some music if that helps. Don’t worry – I am not asking you to look yet! I am asking you to simply feel your body. You should be somewhere comfortable – your bed or even a warm bath. Close your eyes and empty your mind. Let your hands wander over your entire body. Feel how beautiful your hair is. Let your hands run over your curves – your breasts – your hips. Pay attention to your body – the texture of your skin. If your own touch is giving you pleasure, you get extra bonus points! Sigh into that feeling of pleasure. Feel your breath. Feel the pleasure that your body can give you just the way it is right now through your own hands. Take the time to feel your body in a conscious way.
Now comes the part that may be harder for some of us than others: tell you body kind things. Give your body compliments. It’s okay if you don’t quite believe them yet. Just do it. You could thank your body for being so brave trying to get pregnant, giving birth, running that marathon or even getting up this morning and facing the day! You can admire how beautiful the curve of your bottom feels in your hand. Tell your breasts that they are fabulous – admire your arms and the dimple in your cheek. You get the idea. You can do this – free form – your own way – five minutes every day for a month. All your parts.
Find the time – and see what shifts for you in your life. After a month passes – do this exercise whenever you think about it. That is what I mean about turning it into a practice. After a while you will begin to do this on your own without much thought. You may find yourself doing this in bed when you wake up or as you fall asleep. Either way, it is a great way to start or end the day. My favorite time is while soaping up in the shower!
If you find it hard to do this on your own - trying out this guided meditation called "Self, Love, and Sexuality" might be very helpful.
2. Go on take a peek – it’s mirror time! And yes, this involves nudity. Now I have to be honest – this was and still is a tough one for me. For me, it is easier to feel than to look. But trust me – this does get easier.
Once again, you need privacy and five whole minutes. Once you cleared out the private space and time – stand naked in front of a full length mirror – and look. Start at your face and work your way down. You can use your eyes and your hands – whatever is comfortable to you. Once again – it is time to tell your body kind things. Are your eyes a beautiful color? Then say it. Tell you body loving things. The compliments can be about performance, physical appearance – whatever comes to mind. But I want you to focus on how your body pleases you and gives you pleasure. Remember you can do this! And it’s only five minutes. I started this practice three years ago. I started with five minutes every day – just like the “feeling” practice. I still do both exercises every week. Remember the dust? It gathers!
3. Take a look at the different images of feminine beauty throughout the ages. Allow yourself to feel the sensuality of different body types. I am round and curvy. I love looking at the images of women during the time of ancient Rome. Take a walk in a museum and take a look at images of female beauty through out the ages. I love the images of the Goddesses painted on the ceilings of cathedrals. If I squint my eyes really, really hard – they kind of look like me! Perhaps you are tall, thin and small breasted? Pick up a fashion magazine and take yourself in. Allow yourself to expand your own perception of female body.
4. Go shopping. Your assignment? Buy some sexy underwear! That’s right – and this is for you. You are not buying for anybody else. What can you wear to work, shopping, or even to a PTA meeting that will make you walk with that special knowledge that you are a hot thing? Is it pull up black stockings? A rhinestone bra? Go get it – and put it on. You will be surprised how good it can make you feel.
I hope that you try some of these idea on. I hope that I can inspire you – and if I see a sexy lady on the street that has a smile behind her eyes – I will wonder if it is you.