Is Indulging in Cybersex Always a Bad Thing?


Is Indulging in Cybersex Always a Bad Thing?
If it’s exciting and turns you on, it must be good, right? Well, yes and no…

First, let’s be clear about what we are talking about.  Cybersex in this context is the exchange of flirtatious sexy text with random strangers you meet in a chat room online, usually (although not always!) done via private message between two people.  If you get messaged privately by someone asking “a/s/l?” (“age, sex, location?”), that is usually the first indication that someone wants to get off by chatting with you. 

In chat, anonymous and with no indication of what you look like, you can be who you want to be – that tall 18 year old hot cheerleader blonde, or that svelte sophisticated dark strict mistress.  You are essentially what you type you are.  And if it fits what the other person is looking for, you are away – exchanging fantasies of what you are doing to each other and how they are making you feel, a process of mutual masturbation with no strings and no touching.


It’s essentially taking part in your own erotic pornography, writing the story to fit whatever sexual fantasies you harbour on the quiet.  The guys a stranger and it is unlikely – with the vast and anonymous nature of the internet – that you will ever hook up or even see his screenname again.  What could be a safer way of feeling sexy and having a little fun?

Well, first you have to be confident that you are not talking to someone underage.  Many young boys and girls use cybersex to explore their emerging erotic feelings, and it is worth paying attention to the type of language they use and the level of sophistication of the sex acts they are describing.  You wouldn’t exchange that sort of conversation offline, so be wary of inadvertently doing it online.  Secondly, you may be uncomfortable when you discover the person you just had virtual sex with was actually not the gender they said they were.  This can be a great way to explore ambiguous feelings around sexual orientation, but not necessarily a smooth ride.

Finally – if what you are doing is escaping from your partner or seeking an emotional connection that may lead from “hot chatting”, then you are on the borderline of CyberInfidelity – and that emotional betrayal of another human being is every bit as painful as having an affair away from the computer.  “Emotion” is the word you are looking for when indulging in cybersex – it can be harmless and fun, but the moment you become emotionally attached, you are on dangerous ground.

On the brighter side – it is fun, safer than hooking up randomly in the offline world, and with the right correspondent, a big turn on.  Treat is as you would treat reading Fifty Shades of Grey on the quiet, and you may even find your partner surprised at the new sexual you.  Just remember there is an actual human being on the other end of the chat, and be clear about your emotional boundaries.


By Kate Anthony, Co-Founder Online Therapy Institute


More Juicy Content From YourTango:

Article contributed by

Online Therapy Institute


Online Therapy Institute * Online Coach Institute
PO Box 392 Highlands, NJ  07732
877.773.5591 Confidential voice/ facsimile

Work*Life Innovations in Light of Cyberculture

We train coaches and therapists to work online! 

Location: Highlands, NJ
Credentials: BCC, CPC, CRC, DCC, LMHC, LPC, Other
Other Articles/News by Online Therapy Institute:

Heighten the Mood with this Essential Oil Blend!


Essential oils and essential oil blends have long been used to enhance mood and libido. Using essential oils - oils that are therapeutic grade- is like going back to the basics and creating a love mood free of artificial scents and ingredients.  You may have heard that certain oils like chamomile can aid in relaxation while other essential oils such as ... Read more

Leaving an Abusive Relationship: Tools for the Journey


My last post about domestic violence discussed the importance of staying safe and realizing the impact technology can play in the lives of victims. But what if you have decided to leave?  It is not just the harrowing decision to leave that becomes challenging, but the emotional battlefield you find yourself on once the decision is made. The important ... Read more

Cyberstalking and Domestic Violence: Staying Safe!


First things first- if you are in an unsafe situation right now, call the authorites, 911 or a domestic violence hotline.  Global list of Domestic Violence hotlines and resources: International Directory of Domestic Violence Agencies If you are in a relationship that is violent or you have recently left a violent relationship then you ... Read more

See More

Latest Expert Videos
Must-see Videos
Most Popular