4 Times Your Hookup TOTALLY Doesn't Count As Sex (& 4 Times It DOES)

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Sexy Couple

Just the tip? Ummm... NO.

Just like there is always an argument around the term “hooking up,” there are a few sex experiences that leave us thinking, "Did that count?" But really, what actually constitutes having sex and what doesn’t or shouldn’t?

We're not big into keeping a list of lovers, but when you start doing the tally, you really got to know what's fair game and what's forgettable.

Here are four examples of doing the deed DOESN'T count (thank goodness!):

1. You were both too drunk to remember.


If you don’t FULLY remember EVERYTHING, then it doesn’t count, right? Unless there were eye-witnesses. Were there witnesses? You probably don’t remember (or at least don't WANT to remember).


2. He came before you even got started.


So, there was some touching, and the two parts connected ... but there was no insertion. He was like one of those automatic soap dispensers that over-excitedly squirts out soap when your hand gets anywhere near the vicinity of it.

You know what they say — without penetration, it doesn’t count.


3. You change your mind after the first ten seconds.


First of all, don’t ever engage in sex or any sexual activity if you don’t feel 100% comfortable in doing so. With that being said, I’d say this isn’t one you should have to add to your number (but it’s probably something you won’t forget about).


4. You dreamed that you did it and then can’t look at that person the same afterwards.


Day dream, real dream — either way, get on the REAL thing. Even if you got off to this dream better than some real life sex in the past, it still doesn’t count.

Penetration from your vibrator isn’t the same, either.


Easy enough, right? Well here are four situations when you're just going to have to bite the bullet and admit ... it TOTALLY happened (sorry!):


1. Someone walked in on you.


So it was kind of half-sex, but no one finished, and you had to rip the covers over your private bits as this innocent bystander shielded their eyes. You could’ve gone back to it, but the mood was ruined.

Yup, it happened for a while though (or maybe like one minute) but either way, you did it. It counts..


2. You had sex with their identical twin.


Aren’t you supposed to know who’s who — even when you date identical twins?! And what kind of sibling does this sort of thing?! This is not a two-for-one special. It absolutely counts.


3. No one came.


People have sex and don’t finish all the time (sadly) — so this definitely still counts. Sorry.

Maybe try again? Or never see that person again if it was really terrible and just forget it ever happened. Move on to greener, and more satisfying, pastures.


4. You fell asleep while doing the deed.


Maybe he had this really comfortable memory foam mattress, and you drank a few too many glasses of wine, and it was like, REALLY slow the whole time?

I’m trying to be on your side here but I certainly hope it’s not boring enough to fall asleep during. I hope he realizes soon enough because yes, you’re having sex and it counts. At least for one of you. It also might offend him a little, too (even though he's probably in need of the lesson).


This article was originally published at Never Liked It Anyway. Reprinted with permission from the author.

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