3 Reasons Not To Remain Friends With Your Ex

By

goodbye candy heart
It might seem like a good idea, but trust us, it isn't.

Working with numerous women as a relationship coach, many tell me they have become good friends with the guys they had intimate relationships with in the past. They see it as a sign of emotional maturity. Meanwhile, frequently, both parties are emotionally stuck.

Here are three reasons why I believe that the past is for learning and growing, rather than something you should drag into the future:

1. He will keep you in the past. No matter who initiated the breakup, one person always wants to get back together and the other likes the friendship arrangement. Because so many people dread developing new intimate relationships, the tendency is to hold tightly onto old ones.

The shared history gives you a sense of being in a relationship — but without the work it takes to keep it alive and healthy. When you go on romantic dates with someone new, this past relationship becomes a barrier for emotional availablity. In fact, some women tell me they  feel guilty about dating, like they are betraying the ex-boyfriend, even though the romantic relationship with him is over. In my book, What To Look For In A Man, chapter two talks about how to attain true and lasting healing from past relationships so you do not repeat the old pattern that did not lead to committment.

2. You will end up in bed. Sleeping with an ex is easy but emotionally unhealthy. You may go out one evening for a drink (or two) "as friends," and one or both of you remembers that initial attraction ... or you are feeling a little lonely, because there are times when being single is isolating, or thinking you need a confidence boost, and you turn to your ex to fill a void that he cannot possibly fill. The next day, all you are left with is regret or a very misguided sense you may get back together. Keep reading ...

More dating advice from YourTango:

Article contributed by
Advanced Member

Nancy Pina

Relationship Coach

Nancy Pina, Relationship Coach

Contact: 832-566-0800

Recent books: What to Look for in a Man, Attract the Lasting Love of your Life

 

Location: Houston, TX
Credentials: Other
Specialties: Dating/Being Single Support, Forgiveness, Spiritual
Other Articles/News by Nancy Pina:

The Secrets To A Divorce-Proof Marriage

By

You may know couples whose divorce comes as a shock to others; they were seemingly happily married, but in reality were living separate lives. Once children leave the house, a couple who has not nurtured their relationship over the years will find themselves seriously contemplating if they should stay together. The key component to divorce proofing your ... Read more

Diminishing Mother-In-Law Drama

By

Cultivating a positive relationship with even the most challenging mother-in-law is possible without sacrificing your priorities and personal boundaries. Many times it is not understanding a person’s temperament that places one in a tense frame of mind. The good news? You can decide in advance how this important relationship will grow and below is my ... Read more

Debt And Dating: When Should You Reveal Financial Troubles?

By

Ask anyone who has been in over their head in debt and they will tell you, it is very easy to rack up a huge amount in no time at all. Sometimes, it can happen when a business you believed in never took off and only have a big personal financial obligation to show for that former dream. It could be you grew up in a household where money management was never ... Read more

See More

PARTNER POSTS
Latest Expert Videos
ASK YOURTANGO MORE QUESTIONS
Most Popular