In Part One of this article, What To Do If Your Man Says 'No' To Sex (1 of 2), I explained that there are quite a few possible reasons for why a man won't have sex with his woman. Most of these reasons are not within our female powers to control and fix—reasons like he is gay or he is a sex addict who can only have sex with women who he doesn't feel an emotional connection with, etc. However, don’t let the thought of those reasons get you down just yet!
See, there are many men who refuse to make love because they are feeling emotionally disconnected from their ladies. And this is definitely something you have influence over. Oh yes. Building a strong heart-connection with a man can make him stand up to the problem in the bedroom... literally. It can make him feel happy and comfortable being sexual with you and completely desirous of your body and sex.
One of things I mentioned to do in the previous article was to improve communication in the relationship. Communicating with your man about all your feelings (positive and negative) surrounding a touchy issue is so important. This is especially important because men are not the best at communicating their feelings to others. Quiz: What's Your Communication Style?
We women should feel empowered as the love guides in our relationships and guide our men to honest, open, vulnerable dialogues that can lead to a closer bond, not to mention positive solutions to problems within the relationship.
Here’s an example of one way you can speak with your man about your feelings surrounding your sexual issues in the relationship. This way invites his honesty while deepening his love for you:
When you feel ready, take your man aside one night before bed, when you both are sharing a leisurely moment together, and touch him lovingly. Then say to him something like this: (You can even write it down and read from the page in his presence. He won't care. Let your voice be young, vulnerable, nervous, and hopeful. Let the goal of your words be surrender.)
"I want to tell you how much I love and respect you and our love. You are a wonderful man who gives me so many gifts every day. You text me throughout the day to let me know you love me, and you never deny me money when I need it. I feel so strongly about you and us that I need to tell you that I feel HURT and REJECTED inside. When the man I love doesn't want to make love with me I feel so awful, so broken and so scared. I don't want to feel this way anymore."
Then, allow him, as your man, to comfort you, and if he doesn't, that's okay! Just feel the awkwardness between you both, without acting on it, and simply wait for him to speak because five things happened in this speech:
1. You touched him lovingly enough to develop a connection and to lean on him, which shows trust.
2. You validated your feelings for him to invite connection.
3. You validated his feelings for you (through mentioning his loving gestures), which showed him you value him.
4. You revealed your truth to him in order to develop a heart-connection based in honesty and trust.
5. You surrendered to his comfort or to the awkwardness of the moment without forcing him to act.