Being in what I call a “pain cycle” is being in a love relationship where the pain of loving that person overtakes the positive aspects of the love you share.
Examples of pain cycles are relationships where you feel like you are on an emotional rollercoaster. Where you feel betrayed or your emotional and physical needs in love are not being met and you deeply suffer, as a result.
Pain cycles can even be relationships where the other person isn’t toxic in and of themselves but the situation is: he’s married, you are having casual friends with benefits situations out of fear of getting hurt. See, pain cycles are not just painful relationships; they are also painless, somewhat unfulfilling relationships that you stay involved in, in order not to seek out quality, deep connections with men where you may REALLY experience pain. It’s that FEAR OF FUTURE pain that can make these casual relationships pain cycles.
However, the types of pain cycles where your partner is toxic can be very scary, deeply damaging and downright exhausting. Here are five signs of a noxious man and some ways to spot these personality pitfalls right away:
1. He’s a CRYING CROCODILE: Noxious men only cry crocidile tears. They lack real empathy and compassion. They may ball their eyes out if something hurtful is done to them, but when YOU are in emotional or physical distress, they don’t seem too concerned. They may act empathic and say the right things, but you can tell that they aren’t really showing understanding. Or remorse if they’ve done you wrong.
If you think your man doesn’t seem to care much for the pain and suffering of others, including YOU, and you are seriously wondering if you should be entrusting him with making you feel safe, ask him questions like “If you found a wallet on the street, would you try to contact the owner?” Or “Do you think most people would do harmful things to others if it benefited them and if they knew they could get away with it? Would you and what would you do?” Be subtle but watch his expressions.
2. He’s a ROYAL WANNABE: A toxic man is entitled. He is the important factor in everything. It’s all about him and his needs. A lot of men act a wee bit self-important, especially successful men who love power, but a toxic man takes it to the extreme.
Does he truly listen to your needs, or take your requests into consideration? Does he charm you and sweet talk you, but never really HEAR you and SEE you?
His relationship with his family is a big sign of whether a man feels entitled or not. Does he do for his parents, and willingly so? Does he care about his sister’s problems, and share his concerns for her to you? Does he constantly whine and bitch about his family to you and TO THEM?
Watch the way he treats people in a position of service toward him: waiters, store clerks, valet guys. Does he seem to treat people like they are bottom-feeding servants instead of dignified human being who are offering a service for which one must always be respectful back?
If your man is snapping his fingers at a waiter or exploding at the manager of a restaurant over something rather trivial, listen to the way he talks to him or her, and remember, he will talk to you like that one day I guarantee it. This brings me to my next toxic trait…
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