ProConnect

5 Lies You've Been Told About What Men Want

By

5 Lies You've Been Told About What Men Want
Newsflash: Playing hard to get doesn't make him want you more.
Our expert reveals the surprising truth behind these dating myths.

Here's the scenario: You're out with the gals and one of them is smack dab in the middle of a dating crisis. One of your friends offers the group what she thinks is stellar advice on men and you're left thinking, "Jeez, is that really what men want?"

So many of us grow up being told lies about what men want in a relationship and what men are looking for in a wife. These lies are so rampant that I get questions everyday in my inbox asking me advice based on these lies: How do I make him think I don't like him so that he wants me? How do I act more "chill" like his friend, so that he enjoys hanging out with me? How do I pretend I'm not mad at him when I feel so angry inside?

More from YourTango: How To Spot & Release Emotionally Unavailable Men

The truth is that most men are a lot more emotionally deft and capable of intimacy than we've given them credit for. Most times, we let society's lies create fear in us and this fear get in the way of us being ourselves around men and communicating our needs. We're left feeling despaired about love and forced to assume men are enigmas.

Lie #1: Men Want A Woman Who Is "One Of The Guys"

Maybe this was true in high school and college. Those are the years when you can hang with the guys in big groups, make out with a few male friends and act as if love and commitment is silly. That's when a friends-with-benefits situation can work and everyone can experiment with relationships as they grow up. 

But you aren't in school anymore and grown, masculine, mature men want feminine women. They want to feel like they have to be on their best behavior to impress a date. Men fall in love when they feel that a certain woman pushes them to be a better man. And the best way to do this is to be a classy, elegant, confident lady who doesn't accept "hang-out buddies with perks" as a substitue for a real relationship.

Lie #2: Men Hate Emotional Women

We've all heard how men shut down when a woman gets emotional. Most of us have been referred to as irrational and even crazy. However, men don't hate emotional women, they just hate when a woman can't communicate her feelings in a safe, simple, direct way. Communication in relationships is key. What men want is to feel like they can hear you, understand what comes out of your mouth and then help you to feel better. When a man can soothe a woman's feelings, he feels on top of the world. But when he feels overwhelmed by tears and screaming, he feels like a failure and withdraws.

Sign up for my Goddess Love Advice Newsletter and learn the right words to say to a man so that he hears you every time. My tools, exercises and insight are exclusive to the letters and the best part — it's all free!

Lie #3: Men Love Mystery

More from YourTango: Angling For A Proposal? Here's How To Reel Him In

This is one of the biggest misinterpretations of the dating world. Men don't want to be left wondering who you really are and what you're actually doing when you elusively say you're "just busy." Don't make a man feel unsafe with you. Keeping a man interested by keeping him feeling uncertain is not going to lead to love. What men want is to be caught up in the mystery of your femininity. Men love how foreign we can seem: all those beauty products, so much empathy and softness, such ease in expressing vulnerability, such luscious sensuality. Feminine mystique is the kind of mystery a man loves. Keep reading...

More dating advice from YourTango:

Share this with someone you love (or even like a lot)!

Let's make it
FB official
Article contributed by
Advanced Member

Ms. Kristina Marchant

Author

Is the man you love emotionally distant?  Maybe he runs hot then cold, or maybe he has slowly been distancing himself over time?  If so, you are have something in common with the women who read and follow my blog, ConnectWithHisHeart.com  Come take a look and sign up there for my free mini-course: "Why Men Fall In & Out Of Love...  And What You Can Do"

 

 

Location: Miami, FL
Credentials: Other
Other Articles/News by Ms. Kristina Marchant:

How To Spot & Release Emotionally Unavailable Men

By

A relationship when both partners are "all-in" is tough enough. But when your man is emotionally unavailable, things are so much harder. You're committed to making things work, but he just won't open up. A tell-tale sign of an emotionally unavailable man is a lack of empathy; check for these signs before you get too committed. Although my ... Read more

Angling For A Proposal? Here's How To Reel Him In

By

You love him and you know he's the one; he says he loves you but admits he's not sure if you're his forever woman. Ouch. This not only hurts like hell — it's maddening. In your heart, you know that he loves you and would be miserable without you in his life, but your head tells you that you're acting like a fool, waiting around ... Read more

How To Act When He Needs Space

By

Is the man you love acting like a ghost in your relationship?  Maybe he's even vocalized that he needs space? Perhaps he claims nothing's wrong, but he just doesn't return your texts and seems to be a whole lot busier than he was in the early stages of dating? Before you convince yourself that he has one foot out of the relationship, ask ... Read more

See More

Recent Expert Posts
deep breath

Should I stay or Should i go? 5 Ways To Make The Best Decision

Are you confused about staying or going in a relationship? Read on...

shame

How to Get Over Your Stinkin' Thinkin'

Recognize "Stinkin Thinkin" that leads to depression and turn it into positive action and success.

valentines-flowers-surprise

Why Breakups Hurt

Breakups hurt us even when there is no love lost.

Ask The Experts

Have a dating or relationship question?
Visit Ask YourTango and let our experts and community answer.

Resources
How to find the right pro for you
10 Reasons Mental Health Pros Should Join YourTango Experts

10 Reasons Mental Health Pros Should Join YourTango Experts

YourTango Experts can help your business go from good to great.

10 Steps To Improve Your Coaching Business

Take your coaching business from mediocre to great in no time…

Frequently Asked Questions About YourTango Experts

Thinking of joining? Here's all the facts you need to know to make the most of your membership.

Getting Your Guy To Join You In A Therapy Or Coaching Session

So how can your get your strong, self-reliant, superman to talk to an Expert with you?

Therapist/Counselors: Who We Are & What We Do

What exactly does a therapist/counselor do and can they really help?

See more resources>
HOT STUFF!
FROM OUR PARTNERS