Here's the scenario: You're out with the gals and one of them is smack dab in the middle of a dating crisis. One of your friends offers the group what she thinks is stellar advice on men and you're left thinking, "Jeez, is that really what men want?"
So many of us grow up being told lies about what men want in a relationship and what men are looking for in a wife. These lies are so rampant that I get questions everyday in my inbox asking me advice based on these lies: How do I make him think I don't like him so that he wants me? How do I act more "chill" like his friend, so that he enjoys hanging out with me? How do I pretend I'm not mad at him when I feel so angry inside?
The truth is that most men are a lot more emotionally deft and capable of intimacy than we've given them credit for. Most times, we let society's lies create fear in us and this fear get in the way of us being ourselves around men and communicating our needs. We're left feeling despaired about love and forced to assume men are enigmas.
Lie #1: Men Want A Woman Who Is "One Of The Guys"
Maybe this was true in high school and college. Those are the years when you can hang with the guys in big groups, make out with a few male friends and act as if love and commitment is silly. That's when a friends-with-benefits situation can work and everyone can experiment with relationships as they grow up.
But you aren't in school anymore and grown, masculine, mature men want feminine women. They want to feel like they have to be on their best behavior to impress a date. Men fall in love when they feel that a certain woman pushes them to be a better man. And the best way to do this is to be a classy, elegant, confident lady who doesn't accept "hang-out buddies with perks" as a substitue for a real relationship.
Lie #2: Men Hate Emotional Women
We've all heard how men shut down when a woman gets emotional. Most of us have been referred to as irrational and even crazy. However, men don't hate emotional women, they just hate when a woman can't communicate her feelings in a safe, simple, direct way. Communication in relationships is key. What men want is to feel like they can hear you, understand what comes out of your mouth and then help you to feel better. When a man can soothe a woman's feelings, he feels on top of the world. But when he feels overwhelmed by tears and screaming, he feels like a failure and withdraws.
Sign up for my Goddess Love Advice Newsletter and learn the right words to say to a man so that he hears you every time. My tools, exercises and insight are exclusive to the letters and the best part — it's all free!
Lie #3: Men Love Mystery
This is one of the biggest misinterpretations of the dating world. Men don't want to be left wondering who you really are and what you're actually doing when you elusively say you're "just busy." Don't make a man feel unsafe with you. Keeping a man interested by keeping him feeling uncertain is not going to lead to love. What men want is to be caught up in the mystery of your femininity. Men love how foreign we can seem: all those beauty products, so much empathy and softness, such ease in expressing vulnerability, such luscious sensuality. Feminine mystique is the kind of mystery a man loves. Keep reading...
More dating advice from YourTango: