Could she be 'The One'?
1. You Know What You're Looking For—And She's It
As we mature, we begin to know ourselves better and realize what’s important. When looking for Mrs. Right, ask yourself, What are my long term and short term needs?
What type of person do you want to spend your life with? What you wanted at 20 probably isn't so attractive at 30 or 60. I can’t tell you how many times my client’s have come in for counseling and said, “We felt like we were in love, so we got married,” or, “Look at her—she’s gorgeous.” These aren't the best reasons for choosing to spend the rest of your life with a woman. I suggest being selective, practical and passionate.
2. You Find Her Beautiful (Inside And Out)
Looks aren't the top priority. Do you connect? Is your relationship relatively drama-free? Do you find her personality, not only her physical attributes beautiful? Looks can fade and change, but the spirit remains.
3. You Have Similar Goals
While preparing for my wedding, the Rabbi gave my fiancée and I a list to see where we stood on inevitable life issues. We each wrote out our five and ten year plans, which included finances, family (children), spiritual goals, sexual expectations and what we could do to keep the relationship fresh. This was helpful and informative. It let us know if we were on the same trajectory.
4. You Trust Her
Do you find yourself jealous? Does she have a ton of guy friends and zero ladies to hang out with? Does she have a flirty personality, and can you handle that? Have you caught her in lies? Tread lightly with these red flags. Ask yourself if this is something you can deal with. If you can’t trust her, DON'T marry her.
5. You See Yourself Growing Old With Her
Often early in relationships, there's an infatuation that both parties feel. She can do no wrong and neither can you. Please wait until this period is over.
I have a couple dating rules that have helped my clients and me in this department: First, never live with someone before your one year anniversary. And second, don’t consider marriage until after the two year mark, preferably having lived together for at least one year. People tend to wear masks because we want to show others our best selves. It's hard to keep that mask on tight after two years and one year of living together.
Take it slow, and follow your mind, heart and intuition. Don’t follow your loins.
Brent Berman has a holistic psychotherapy practice in Jupiter, Fl. He uses evidenced based practices along with eastern philosophies. He believes in changing the world one smile at a time.