Sexual Fantasies Can Be The Windows To Our Souls

By

Sexual Fantasies Can Be The Windows To Our Souls
How understanding our sexual fantasies may be important in getting our needs met.

Much like our dreams, our sexual fantasies are the windows to our souls. In many ways, we have been conditioned and trained to fear, or be ashamed our sexual fantasies, as maybe we are somewhat afraid, or ashamed about our own sexualities. We’re embarrassed of our desires. Due to lack of education, and lack of exposure in talking about sexual fantasies we keep them hidden, quiet, shut off from the world, and to ourselves. But being in tune and comfortable with our fantasies can be a great avenue to understanding our needs, and desires when it comes to sexuality and then to be able to express our sexual needs in the bedroom to our partner/s.

The art of communication is also key, as well as the fact that we do not have to admit to our partners what it is, or the specific details of what we fantasize about. But rather if we understand the root of our fantasies, we are better able to communicate it. I believe that there is a continuum of dominance and submission, that everyone falls on, (not just the people who have embraced this lifestyle). Knowing yourself, where you fall on this continuum and in what situations, becomes key in understanding your demeanor in sexual situations and becomes key getting your needs met.

On one end of the continuum is dominance and on the other end is submission. In much the same way there is another continuum of voyeurism at one end and exhibitionism on the other end. This is possibly a different and maybe slightly less important continuum, but if it comes up in your fantasies, it’s important. I tell people in sex therapy who want better sex, who want to orgasm, who want to become more aroused, who want to be able to tell their partners how to meet their needs that: You must first know yourself, and be honest.

One example, is the rape fantasy. Women would be hard pressed to admit they have a rape fantasy. But, in actuality rape fantasies are not only really common, they have little to do with actual rape. Women with rape fantasies do not want to be raped, but rather they have a fantasy or desire to be able to surrender, to put someone else in charge of their sexual pleasure, in complete trust. This person is someone they trust who will not hurt them. The rape fantasy signifies surrender. It’s not about power nor is it about control. If more people knew this, then maybe more women would be able to let their partners in on their little secret, without a fear of backlash. Yet, many a men would think less of their prized lady if he knew she had a rape fantasy, and this prevents women from being open about it.

Keep reading...

More Juicy Content From YourTango:

Article contributed by
Advanced Member

Moushumi Ghose

Sex Therapist

Moushumi Ghose, MFT specializes in sex and relationships and is based in New York City and Los Angeles.

She is the host of The Sex Talk, a web-series dedicated to raising awarenes about sex, and sexuality, and has made several TV and media appearances including Hollywood Today The Girl Spot, Durex Condoms and Investigation Discoveries as a sex expert. 

Visit her website at www.LASexTherapist.com

Subscribe to The Sex Talk Series at www.TheSexTalkSeries.com

Listen to podcasts at Sex, Love and Rock 'N' Roll Radio.

Mou is the author of Marriage, Money and Porn, available on Amazon, and is currently writing her second book, about non-monogamous sex. 

Follow Moushumi on Twitter @MoushumiAmour and Facebook

Location: New York, NY
Credentials: LMFT, MA, MFT
Other Articles/News by Moushumi Ghose:

Ditch The Clothes And Love Your Birthday Suit!

By

We are such a clothed society. As a soceity we definitely like to show a lot of skin, we like fashion that exposes the midriff, the shoulders, short skirts that show off legs, low cut blowses that show some cleavage, but when it comes down to it, at the end of the day, nudity as a whole is something that is not highly accepted, nor is it publically legal in ... Read more

Yes! 6 Steps to Having Healthy Hook Ups

By

I read a lot of articles bashing "hook up culture" — its a term du jour, kind of like "menage a trois" was in the 80's — but this term unlike the latter, is not associated with being sex positive and it's usually not written about in a positive light. We live in a society where it often seems like we ... Read more

Why You Should Not Ignore The Symptoms of Painful Intercourse

By

Of the many psychological problems which interfere with sexual functioning, one of the most devastating and detrimental which can also have damaging effects on dating and relationships, not to mention self esteem, confidence, body image and so much more is having painful intercourse- a condition which is also known as vaginismus. Painful intercourse or ... Read more

See More

Ask The Experts

Have a dating or relationship question?
Visit Ask YourTango and let our experts and community answer.

FROM AROUND THE WEB