Alternative Lifestyles and Same Sex Relationships May Help Bridge the Mind-Body Men-Women Gap.
Young girls in our society grow up amongst their girlfriends many of whom are already having sex and are sexually active. Many girls are sexually active by 12 or 14. Physically it may seem that they are ready. Mentally it is a whole other story. Girls between the ages of 12 -24 are craving emotional closeness, boys of that age are driven by their hormones, erections happening at the drop of a pin.
Young girls in our society grow up amongst their girlfriends many of whom are already having sex and are sexually active. Many girls are sexually active by 12 or 14. Physically it may seem that they are ready. Mentally it is a whole other story. Girls between the ages of 12 -24 are craving emotional closeness, boys of that age are driven by their hormones, erections happening at the drop of a pin. Girls are driven by a desire to connect and they end up pairing up with boys (often with detrimental and undesirable effects) of similar age who’s greatest physical desire overpowers any emotional need.
The hormones in boys age 12-24 is raging, desirous and needing of release. The girls often begin engaging in sexual activity early, because physically they feel the need, and they can somewhere recognize the desire, but most of all they recognize the need and desire to be accepted, wanted, desired and appreciated, their focus intently on the boys.
Girls follow their instinct, and their gut intuition tells them to give in sexually to the boys who ask, desire and persist. Girls give in to the boys in hopes of getting some deep connection, acceptance in return. What really happens In return unfortunately they don't get what they want emotionally and they are left unfulfilled physically, emotionally and of course sexually, which leads to the gamut of emotions from feeling judged and/or rejected which leads to low self esteem, poor body image and so on.
This is not a story about whether or not girls should abstain from sex nor is it about sex education. This is about what happens to many women in our society and what we can do to bridge the gap between sex and our bodies when the time is right.
In Ancient Greece, boys at around the age of 14 would begin sexual exploration with men of the same sex before venturing out and turning their sexual prowess onto the female gender with whom they would be expected to have long term loving, sexual and romantic relations and of course children. The truth of the matter is that men do want emotional connection. Boys grow up into men who want intimate emotional connections beyond the physical and sexual, and girls grow up into women who are sexual and physically desirous. The cruel joke is that the cycles at which these present for men and women are almost at extreme opposites in terms of age. For boys who are attracted to girls, before the cycle is complete, getting involved sexually and emotionally, it’s no wonder there is so much turmoil and discontent.
If, for example, same sex exploration was more accepted in our society and the early teen years were spent in a more safe exploratory zone with our same sexed peers, sexually and otherwise then perhaps we’d see more of a shift, a more gradual coming together of men and women, mind and body, when the time is right, naturally and effectively. If as a society as a whole, we were more accepting of same sex relationships I think we might see a shift in sexuality as a whole, including more comfort with our bodies and less discomfort around sex.
The sex map that occurs for many women in our society, is that many never find the opportunity to become comfortable with their bodies and to fully and completely enjoy sex. Their needs are not met from an early age and this sets the stage for disappointment and disconnect from their mind and body. Too many women decide to marry and bore children, despite their disjointed experiences, because the desire to connect is really strong, and often confuse this with the maternal instinct, and they jump into this marriage plus baby scenario before ever giving themselves an opportunity to explore their bodies, sexual desires in a safe, judgment free zone, and thereby thwarting their psycho-sexual growth. Women end up thinking there is something wrong with them, or again “I am just not that sexual.” (See previous article.)
Breaking the sex map takes time, and I would like to say at some point most women desire to do so and learn to become sexually aroused orgasmic women and hopefully it’s not too late or to the detriment of a lost relationship. Think Cybil Sheppards character in the L Word. At the age of 50ish she leaves her husband with whom she has grown children to take up with a woman. Fully exploring her untouched feminine sexuality. Many women do this later in life by embracing new partners and/or alternative lifestyles. My suggestions and treatment for women who are in a low sexual desire conundrum will range from masturbation, buying a vibrator, taking a poll dancing class to reading erotica and exploring and becoming adventurous with their partners. The best news is that it is never too late.
Side note: I am not condoning teen-age sex, nor am I suggesting abstinence, same sex, nor open relationships. I am just acknowledging what happens, what history suggests and purporting that an open mind can shape our lives in the long run, making us happier, healthier, and more well rounded.
This is a tricky article for me to write as this is a tricky concept for most to wrap their heads around. We live in a society that doesn’t want us to acknowledge that teens are sexual who think about having sex a lot, if not doing it already, although our teen pregnancy rates are still high. We also live in a society where same sex relationships are still frowned upon in many areas and gay marriage is still illegal. Obviously we have a long way to go. In order to acknowledge that teens are sexual beings, and that our sex maps are shaped at an early age, we as adults have to be comfortable with sex, sexuality in ourselves and then be open to talking about it.