3 Rules for Sex When You Are Single or Dating


3 Rules for Sex When You Are Single or Dating
There are a few things to remember about having sex when not in a relationship.

Most people want intimacy, want companionship, want sex, but there are some things you should know about getting intimate while single. I would definitely agree that many people who do often indulge in one night stands, or sex with no strings attached, are often-times looking for more than just sex, more than just a one-night stand in the long run, however the time and circumstances do need to be right. And, in the heat of the moment, a lot of our best laid plans fly out the window.

In this day and age of women owning their sexuality and doing away with the double standards of yesteryear, we’ve come across a new standard or conundrum of feeding our ego’s to the point where we may become out of touch with, or disconnected from our spiritual side. Women have taken the reins, have started calling the shots, buying the condoms, but when it comes down to it, women want the sex, want the intimacy, still want the freedoms, autonomy, and independence, and yes, still want to be respected, admired, adored, not just in the morning but in the weeks that follow. And most of the time, it seems we are hard wired to want the adoration in the form of sexual pleasure and forthcoming post – coital accolades. Truth of the matter is that, it’s often hard enough for women to get this from men once in a relationship, how the hell is it that women expect to get it outside of one?

More from YourTango: The Benefits Of Surrogate Partner Therapy

We’ve come to recognize that sex is a tool for connection, and there are definitely some things to know, first.  If you have any inclination that you may be looking for a long-term connection with the person you decide to hop into bed with, the first rule of obvious and old school advice is restraint. Sex can complicate things. One major reason is purely biological. Epinephrine, a chemical in our brain gets released when we seek sexual pleasure without an intimate connection first can cause us to become agitated and restless, as Charlotte Kasl, PhD reminds us in her book, If The Buddha Dated. This can in turn break down our immune system, and health, not to mention our self esteem. Therefor in light of our newly found sexual equality and pleasure seeking, I’ve come up with a few things to keep in mind when having sex outside of a commitment.

1. Establish the status of the relationship before you have sex. Sex is good, and it may be great, and this individual is hot and you’re excited about the attention they are giving you, but if you really like this person and want some connection in the morning then establish that before going into the bedroom. Do your text messages and emails have a tone that suggests there is a mutual attraction? Or are the messages more about hanging out, like friends? Does s/he let you know how much they want to have sex with you or do they show interest in you as a person? Have you established that you both have feelings for each other? These are cues to look for before taking it to the next stage.  Don’t let the sex do the talking, do the talking before having sex.

More from YourTango: The 4 Scary Steps To Finding True Love

Keep reading...

More Juicy Content From YourTango:

Share this with someone you love (or even like a lot)!

Let's make it
FB official
Article contributed by
Advanced Member

Moushumi Ghose

Sex Therapist

Moushumi Ghose, MFT specializes in sex and relationships and is based in Los Angeles.

She is the host of The Sex Talk, a web-series dedicated to raising awarenes about sex, and sexuality.

Visit her website at

Subscribe to The Sex Talk Series at

Listen to podcasts at Sex, Love and Rock 'N' Roll Radio.

Get Mou's eBook at Marriage, Money and Porn: A Quick and Easy Guide to Navigating Your 21st Century Relationship

Follow Moushumi on Twitter @MoushumiAmour and Facebook

Location: West Hollywood, CA
Credentials: LMFT, MA, MFT
Other Articles/News by Moushumi Ghose:

The Benefits Of Surrogate Partner Therapy


As a psychotherapist, working with and specializing in sex and sexuality, I have had the honor of working with and observing the highly effective and life changing therapeutic process known as Surrogate Partner Therapy. What is Surrogate Partner Therapy, you ask? Well you may have seen the movie The Sessions, and perhaps the Showtime series Masters of Sex, ... Read more

The 4 Scary Steps To Finding True Love


So you say you want a relationship but you're still single despite all the potential people you meet, flirt with, have sex with, and even like. Even when you have a connection, something always goes wrong. What gives? Now, I'm not a fan of blaming the victim and I can see where these articles may come off as blaming the victim, but I have to point out ... Read more

6 Ways Men Can Speak Up About Their Sexuality


In recent times, I'd say in the last couple of years,  a lot of feminism has gone mainstream in terms of sex and sexuality. 2013 saw a huge surge of feminist porn, and global feminism's 4th wave is off and running, giving women all around the world a voice via the Internet to speak out about everything from rape, to sexual harassment, to body image ... Read more

See More

Recent Expert Posts
Relationships: Six Tricks To Get Her Back

Girlfriend Dumped You? 6 Tactful Steps To Take To Win Her Back

Tact is important when pursuing a reconciliation.

upset child

The Top 12 Things Your Kids Think About Your Divorce

It may be an "adult" situation, but the kids are very aware of what's going on.

Staying Dry

Snow White is Full of It: Rethinking the Fairytale

If you want a happily ever after, you must work for one.

Ask The Experts

Have a dating or relationship question?
Visit Ask YourTango and let our experts and community answer.

How to find the right pro for you
10 Reasons Mental Health Pros Should Join YourTango Experts

10 Reasons Mental Health Pros Should Join YourTango Experts

YourTango Experts can help your business go from good to great.

10 Steps To Improve Your Coaching Business

Take your coaching business from mediocre to great in no time…

Frequently Asked Questions About YourTango Experts

Thinking of joining? Here's all the facts you need to know to make the most of your membership.

Getting Your Guy To Join You In A Therapy Or Coaching Session

So how can your get your strong, self-reliant, superman to talk to an Expert with you?

Therapist/Counselors: Who We Are & What We Do

What exactly does a therapist/counselor do and can they really help?

See more resources>