...But you gotta ASK for it!
The truth is that most people simply don't understand the unique difference between the female and male anatomy, their sexual response cycle and why it's a FACT that women need more time — and more foreplay — before they are going to be fully ready for sex.
More time spent on foreplay not only gets your female body ready for sex but also increases your chances for orgasm drastically.
As sex therapist Ian Kerner points out in his book She Comes First: The Thinking Man's Guide to Pleasuring a Woman, "Studies like those by Kinsey and Masters and Johnson, have concluded that of women whose partners spent 21 minutes or longer on foreplay, only 7.7 percent failed to reach orgasm consistently."
What a difference to think that just a little more time devoted to foreplay (focused on her, of course) can increase her chances of orgasm SO drastically.
But couple this fact with Kinsey's 1948 findings that about 75% of men ejaculate within the first two minutes of intercourse, and you have a recipe for some very sexually unsatisfied women — leaving their male partners scratching their heads as to why they may not be getting "the sexual response they want" from her.
Here's the deal: It is a fact that the female body, sexual organs, and feminine sexual energy take time to warm up and be fully ready for intercourse. While the male body is quickly aroused and can be ready for sexual intercourse very quickly, the opposite is true of the female body.
What makes this issue challenging is the lack of education about the differences between male and female sexual response cycles. Women themselves often feel pressured to please their partners by saying yes to penetration too soon.
Additionally, many women often feel unable to advocate for their own needs, or may feel guilty for asking for what they want and need sexually for fear of upsetting their partners if they do speak up.
It will do every man and woman good to understand that, believe it or not, just because a woman is turned on, does NOT mean that her body and sexual organs are 100% fully aroused and ready for intercourse. The female sexual organs are made up of a very beautiful and complex arrangement of erectile tissue — the same type of erectile tissue that exists in a mans penis, with one slight variation. Rather than being located in one centralized place — as is the case with the penis — the female erectile network is spread out over a larger area and encompassed in multiple structures of the pelvic region.
Stimulating these anatomical structures causes them to fill with blood and become engorged, just like a mans penis. In other words women get "hard on's" too!
Sexual intercourse will be far more pleasurable for both partners when this simple anatomical difference between the sexes is honored, respected, and incorporated into the sex act with adequate time given to foreplay and attention placed on female arousal.
For an excellent resource on your beautiful female sexual anatomy and the female sexual arousal process check out Sherry Winston's book, Women's Anatomy of Arousal: Secret Maps to Buried Pleasure.
So if you are wondering why sex has not been as satisfying as you wish it was, or if your partners is complaining that he is not seeing the sexual response he is wanting from you, remember to advocate for your own need for more time and more foreplay.
Help him to understand the importance of this not only for your pleasure, but also because it is directly linked to his own pleasure and his deep seated need to feel effective and competent as your lover. Just 21 minutes could make all the difference!
Morgan Susan Taylor, M.A. is a sexuality educator, therapist, and coach specializing in sexual health and healing for women and couples and the founder of the Feminine Wisdom Academy. Visit the website today to get your copy of The Pleasure Keys: 7 Keys to Increase Pleasure, Reach Your Orgasmic Potential, and Experience Sexual Fulfillment.