Two summers ago during my study abroad year in Texas I came face-to-face with my very first orgasm by intercourse. As soon as I came down from the high I jumped up manically and overjoyed, celebrating the big event and thoughtlessly admitted that I had lied about achieving orgasms on all the other occasions. Whoops.
Orgasm on my own in the comfort of my own company was as frequent as train delays in London (which is almost every day) but with a partner it was as rare as an eclipse. Until that day.
It was a major turning point in my life. And after a lot of reflection, lively discussions with other women and research on the female orgasm I discovered five significant factors that may be stopping women from reaching orgasm:
1) Your Attitude to Sex – Education, religious upbringing and culture can all have an effect on the way we view sex and how comfortable we are with our sexuality. For instance, if you were always taught to fear sex, or that sex was only for making babies and not for pleasure than you may find that your attitude to sex may be preventing you from truly letting go and allowing yourself to enjoy the experience. Changing your attitude to sex, understanding that it is okay to enjoy and want sex and taking control of your sexuality and your sex life can unlock the door to a happy and healthy sex life with plenty of orgasms waiting.
2) Unwillingness to Explore – It is important to know what pleases and pleasures you. There may be positions that can greatly increase the chance of having an orgasm and if you find that you’re always in the missionary and getting the same orgasm-less results then it may be time to spread your wings a little. Exploring alternative positions, thoughts and fantasies and your body and what it responds to is a fun way to find out what works for you and what doesn’t. Knowing what you want and being able to guide your partner will most certainly help you achieve orgasm.
3) The Dynamic of Your Relationship – Some women can meet a total stranger and have a mind-blowing orgasm with them after five minutes. Oh, how I envy them. I suspect most of us benefit more from a relationship with someone we know and are comfortable with. However, if your relationship is built in such a way where you feel that sex has no meaning, or if you find it difficult to communicate with your partner, you may find it a lot harder to assert yourself which in turn will stop you from taking your path to orgasm to the next level.
4) Past Experiences – traumatizing past experiences ranging from a simple thoughtless negative comment about our bodies that we never forgot to a history of abuse could affect the way we view sex today. Negative past experiences can make having sex difficult and make us associate sex with the negative feelings we experienced during those unfortunate past events. Tackling those bad experiences head-on either through therapy or even just talking about it with close friends or documenting the feelings in a personal diary can lift a heavy weight off your shoulders and allow you to view sex for what it is: an intimate display of love and affection that should be wholly enjoyed.