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Parenting Tips For Divorced Couples

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Parenting Tips For Divorced Couples
Communication is key when co-parenting.
5 Tips For Better Co-Parenting.

Parenting is hard. Co-parenting can be evern harder. No couple expects to get divorced when they have a child together, so it's worthwhile taking some time to talk about the new challenges, obstacles and scenarios you may encounter together as separated parents. Here are five things to consider to make the job a little easier:

1. Think of the future. There are plenty of scenarious in which you will have to interact cordially: walking your daughter down the aisle at her wedding, attending your son's graduation or waiting outside the delivery room for your first grandchild. Strive to cultivate a healthy relationship now, so that you may interact in a way that is healthy, productive and comfortable in the future. Parenthood is forever. It transitions right into grandparenthood, even if you are divorced.

More from YourTango: PARENTING THROUGH DIVORCE SERIES: Protecting the Kids, Article1.

2. Take a break. Disagreements are normal when co-parenting. They're even normal when parenting as a couple! If you find yourself getting upset during a discussion, take a break. Say "I'm getting upset and I need to calm down. Let's stop for now and continue in the morning." Very often, when hot emotions have cooled, understanding and solutions emerge. If you try to find solutions while upset, things can escalate to an unhealthy level and harm your relationship further.

3. Take the high road. Try to take the high road without becoming a doormat. This requires a high level of discernment, maturity and patience. I call this divorce management. If you don’t have a handle on one or more of these qualities, recognize it and work on developing the skill. You can only control your own behavior.

4. Read books and articles about kids and divorce. Children experience divorce differently than their parents do; it has an entirely different context for children. The more you know, the better, so learn as much as you can. It will make a difference. Encourage your children to communicate with you and ask questions. Try to give honest answers.

More from YourTango: Creating Successfully Blended Families

5. Don’t make your children intermediaries. Divorce creates opportunities for misunderstandings. When kids talk about their experience with the "other" parent that upsets you, clarify with your ex and get the full context before jumping to conclusions. Children are filtering observations through their experience and may misinterpret what they see or hear. There may be a good explanation, and it's smart to check in with your partner.

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Article contributed by
Advanced Member

Micki McWade

Divorce Coach

Micki McWade, LMSW

914 557-2900

Offices in Manhattan, Mt. Kisco and Fishkill NY

mickimcwade.com

The practice of peace and reconciliation is one of the most vital and artistic of human actions. —Thich Nhat Hanh

 

Location: Mt, Kisco, NY
Credentials: CSW, LMSW, MSW
Other Articles/News by Micki McWade:

PARENTING THROUGH DIVORCE SERIES: Protecting the Kids, Article1.

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A client had a common question for me this morning, and it made me think about sharing our exchange with readers at YourTango. Here's the truth: you can’t be too smart while going through divorce. The more you know about children and divorce, the better. You can avoid doing unintentional damage by learning as much as you can now. It's easier to ... Read more

Creating Successfully Blended Families

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After perhaps a long dry spell of emotional deprivation, you finally find your soul mate and are in love with the person of your dreams! Elated and full of enthusiasm, you dream about how you will share your lives one day in a blended family. There will be someone to come home to. You will be part of a family again, instead of living alone as a single parent, ... Read more

How To Get Through Your Divorce Without Hating Your Ex (Really!)

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When divorce proceedings and mediation get heated (as they are often bound to), it's all too easy to get wrapped up in a ball of frustration and anger toward your ex. But will that really help you heal and move on? Here, relationship experts Lane Cobb and Micki McWade talk you through it. Working for a smooth divorce is no small task, as Cobb explains: ... Read more

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