Ready to let go for good?
You've deleted his number, blocked him on Facebook and Instagram, thrown away all your pictures, and deleted all your text conversations. But you still can't stop thinking about him. There's one magic trick you can use right now to finally get over your ex. It's a violent once-and-for-all action, and kind of controversial. But if you really want to get over him, it will work.
I'll tell you the trick in a minute. First, let me explain the magic. It's something you experience everyday but never even notice. It's something my main man Hippocrates noticed thousands of years ago. He, by the way, is known as the Father of Modern Medicine and is credited to have said "Like cures Like." What does that mean? We want what we imagine. To put it another way, we can't divorce our mind (imagination) from our body (actions). Not for long, anyway.
That's why you might delete his number and it works ... for a minute. But then you start thinking of him and imagining what it would be like if you did get back together. And in your imagination, everything is perfect once you're back in your old relationship. The birds are singing, sun is shining, and people are taking your pictures as the newest romance success story.
It's impossible to resist that impulse. It's not your fault. It's not because you lack willpower. You've got tons of willpower to keep trying over and over time and time again. So then your brain starts running a billion miles a second trying to figure out how to make that happen because it's an awesome scene, and who wouldn't want to experience that? It's not your lack of will power, but the power of your imagination that is tripping you up.
You're probably a creative, romantic, or artistic type. As a result, your imagination is in full 3D while other peoples' is like a 2-dimensional stick figure drawing. No one can blame you for that.
Now I'm going to show you how to use the power of that imagination to work for you, instead of chaining you to a small prison of repeated actions, repeated thoughts, repeated feelings.
So the magic is this: Your brain will go to work like a chain gang to make that beautiful imagination come about. But because you're only half of the equation, you're guessing endlessly. This results in neverending frustration, self incrimination and despair.
Think about being back together with him. Right now.
Imagine you're back together and think about the ugliest, meanest, most infuriating fight you had. Think about how stupid or useless or inferior he made you feel. Think about how much you hated him in that moment, how much he hurt you, how much you never wanted to see him again.
Got it? Feel it?
Now, expand THAT to the rest of your life. See that feeling of inferiority, of lacking, of not being good enough filling your body, your heart.
Imagine living every single minute of the rest of your life trying to earn his approval, but never getting it. See him judging you and always thinking that you come up short.
And notice how shitty of a life that is. Is that how you want to live your life?
Now, at this point, you might be tempted to feverishly think of how to get him to approve of you, how to get him to love you. If you do, you haven't done the exercise correctly. Because behind the desire to get him to approve of you is that imagined happy ending still lurking, still hanging on and hanging you like a noose on your neck. And here's the final touch to cut that noose free: You would have to be someone else to get him to love you.
Your own strong, confident, worthy sense of self would never allow you to do that. Not for long.
So dwell on that unhappy ending. Make it vivid until it's so unappealing that the very thought of him makes you want to throw up in your mouth a little. And don't worry; you don't have to hate him forever or anything drastic like that. This is just the step to get out and get free. After that, the panic and emotion will subside and you'll be free to think of him how you should: As a man you loved, who loved you, but not fully.
And you want (and deserve) someone who does. Click here, if you think so.
More breakup advice from YourTango:
- Help! My Last Breakup Scarred Me For Life
- How To Get Over A Bad Breakup
- Breakups & Divorce: Expert Advice & Survival Tips