Starting Over In Love: What's Your Age In Lesbian Years?


Starting Over In Love: What's Your Age In Lesbian Years? [EXPERT]
How many years of experience do you have living the lesbian lifestyle?
A coming out and being out story about what it's like to be a lesbian "late-bloomer".

I'm a late bloomer. When it comes to major life accomplishments, I always have been a late bloomer. I definitely was late to lesbian life and gay girl dating! But when I came out, it was a fresh start and I was full of faith and hope that I would find love. It has been quite an adventure.

Many of my clients have walked out of the closet a little later in life and are dealing with being single and struggling with dating. Some of my readers have been telling me they are recently out. I want to share a little about my own coming out story and a very big "ah-ha" moment that changed my approach to "being out".

More from YourTango: CEOs, Listen Up: Why OkCupid's Publicity Stunt Is A Total Win

I always knew I was attracted to girls but was never able to make a love connection with a girl. Finally, I decided I could and would make it work with a guy. Let me also include the fact that I grew up in an Irish-Catholic family with all the assorted craziness of alcoholism, abuse and neglect that you've read about in the epic Irish tales like Frank McCourt's book, Angela's Ashes. I felt like I finally understood so much about my father when I read that book.

That's another story, but you get my whole "Irish-Catholic guilt, going to hell, God is a mean man with a big stick and I'm a bad girl" story. Enough said.

Compared to friends, I married late, at 26 years old. I also had kids late in the game at 27 and 38 years old. I started college right out of high school but didn't have the emotional stamina or a personal vision to help me see it as something I should stick with at that time in my life. I quit after a couple of years and focused on "doing what I want."

Going back to school at 40 years old to finish up my bachelors degree isn't so unusual these days. I'm glad I finally did it. It changed the entire direction of my professional and personal life. How's that? My personal life was changed dramatically. While finishing college in my 40s, I started to meet some amazing lesbians and I could no longer deny who and what I was.

I was also finally in a position where I realized that I would be able to support myself and my young daughter on my own; not being able to support my kids on my own was honestly something that had scared me for a long time and had kept me married.

All of this is to make the simple point and to say that we all have our coming out stories and then, we have our "being out" story — that particularly sweet and often bitter period when we are first exploring what it means to date women, love women and make love to women.

More from YourTango: 5 False Beliefs That Prevent You From Healing Your Past

If you're seeing a really good therapist, she is telling you things like go slow in dating lesbians, don't change what doesn't need to be changed in this period, important dating tips and, the big one: you're like a 14 year old learning to date gay girls!

More advice about starting over from YourTango Experts:

Share this with someone you love (or even like a lot)!

Let's make it
FB official
Article contributed by
Advanced Member

Mary Malia

Dating Coach

With Gratitude, 

Mary G. Malia

Certified Singles Coach, RCI

Certified Strategic Intervention Coach, Robbins- Madanes Coaching

Location: Portland, ME
Credentials: Other
Specialties: Dating/Being Single Support
Other Articles/News by Mary Malia:

CEOs, Listen Up: Why OkCupid's Publicity Stunt Is A Total Win


Since when has OkCupid been an advocate for LGBT rights? When it makes business sense is the correct answer. Does being pro-LGBT make business sense? Definitely. OkCupid was most recently in the news for a story about a guy who "broke" their algorithm to find his perfect match. Now instead of being the butt of a news story they had no control ... Read more

5 False Beliefs That Prevent You From Healing Your Past


A few years ago, when people would start telling me how they had a happy childhood and they adored their parents and everything was great when they were growing up, my eyes used to start to glaze over. First off, I didn't believe them. My childhood was full of darkness, fear, shame and loneliness. Those were the only images I had to look at and though I ... Read more

Live Your Best Lesbian Life: It's All About Gratitude


Gay Girl Dating Coach Mary Malia knows a thing or two about living your best life: the secret is all in your attitude. With a positive outlook and energetic demeanor, Malia is one of our favorite go-to experts for all things love and living authentically. So when we heard she was hosting a global telesummit, Live Your Best Lesbian Life, we had to reach out and ... Read more

See More

Recent Expert Posts

How to Get Over Your Stinkin' Thinkin'

Recognize "Stinkin Thinkin" that leads to depression and turn it into positive action and success.


Why Breakups Hurt

Breakups hurt us even when there is no love lost.


Why Do Men Hide Their Emotions?

The emotional processing in the male and female brain is not the same....

Ask The Experts

Have a dating or relationship question?
Visit Ask YourTango and let our experts and community answer.

How to find the right pro for you
10 Reasons Mental Health Pros Should Join YourTango Experts

10 Reasons Mental Health Pros Should Join YourTango Experts

YourTango Experts can help your business go from good to great.

10 Steps To Improve Your Coaching Business

Take your coaching business from mediocre to great in no time…

Frequently Asked Questions About YourTango Experts

Thinking of joining? Here's all the facts you need to know to make the most of your membership.

Getting Your Guy To Join You In A Therapy Or Coaching Session

So how can your get your strong, self-reliant, superman to talk to an Expert with you?

Therapist/Counselors: Who We Are & What We Do

What exactly does a therapist/counselor do and can they really help?

See more resources>