Having sex with an ex is 99.9% likely to fail. Consider your reasons.
After a breakup it may be common to second guess yourself. You miss being held by your partner, you miss the smell of your partner, and you miss the sex with your partner.
These feelings are so intense that you may find yourself in the position of seeking out your ex to try and make up. You may be trying to save the marriage before a divorce or you may want to give the relationship a second start, but many times you want to be intimate with someone who knows your body, knows your past and has a history with you.
The relationship you build at this time is called “an ex with benefits.” We have seen this played out in movies and it is a common theme in celebrity lives, as well as our neighbors and friends.
In fact, many people who are newly separated or divorced engage in having sex with an ex. The couple usually gets along better at this time than they did when they were married or together.
The relationship has a heightened sense of energy and sexuality. The problems that may have lead to the breakup don’t have the same intensity as they had before.
Although an ex with benefits may feel good for a short while, it will not last. The lust and excitement you feel during this phase will soon fade as all of the old issues begin to surface again.
Despite most of us knowing that an ex with benefits will never work, when you are hurting, lonely and depressed after a breakup, you rationalize that you have little to lose in trying to work this relationship out. Any reasons is common, and in a majority of broken relationships, the reasons will not justify the pain you’re going to go through in engaging with sex with your ex.
However, if you still want to pursue sex with your ex, these suggestions may help the healing process when it's finally over:
1. Make a list of every reason you want to get back together for sex.
If your reasons are more about soothing the loneliness you feel or feeling like a couple again, the chances are high that this is temporary filler. It would be wise to divert your focus into something new and interesting. Time is the greatest healer, and each week that passes without your ex you are one week closer to recovery.
2. Understand that although you may be able to have a physical relationship, your ex may not be able to handle it.
Be very clear up front with your expectations. If your intentions are to meet for sex without any other emotional obligations, make sure this is communicated to your ex.
3. If there are children involved, don’t spend the night with your ex in your home.
This is confusing for children. Divorce and separations are very painful, and children hold a fantasy of having their mom and dad work things out. If you are on again and off again, it causes anxiety and depression in children and most adults.
4. Always wear protection.
No matter what your ex tells you, wear protection. There's no way of telling how many STDs happen with ex with benefits behavior, and how many pregnancies happen during this time.
5. No matter what you say verbally, sex with an ex is expressing that you are willing to settle for the way they treated you in the past.
Make sure this is what you want to communicate to your ex. Most of the time, when a relationship ends it means it was broken. Settling for the brokenness will deteriorate your self-esteem and any respect you have for yourself.
Before you rationalize that it’s just sex, be sure you understand clearly what your motives are as well as your ex’s.
There's a consequence with every behavior, and in this case the consequences are not worth the time invested, emotionally or physically. The loneliest feeling you will ever have is waking up to realize it was just sex.
If your ex wants sex, or if you want to get back together, check out the video below: