What is the number one thing men are CRAVING for when it comes to relationship? Simple — a woman who is confident, secure and feminine. They are, in fact, clear on one thing; a woman who, despite her beauty, good humor, kindness and tight butt, needs excessive reassurance is someone who quickly becomes an albatross. These men, who are all incredibly smart, ambitious, talented and handsome, are searching for a woman who loves herself so deeply that she never depends on validation from her partner to make her feel lovable, worthwhile and attractive.
As it is, in fact, my mission to teach women and men to love themselves so that they can attract someone to love, here are a few “signs” you most likely need to focus your efforts on yourself before you embark on a journey towards loving someone else.
1. You ask questions like, “Does this make me look fat,” “Why did you do (or say) that?,” or “Do you still love me?” The Dating With Dignity men joke that these questions, which are commonly asked by women in relationships, are among the most annoying questions a women can ask.
They call them a complete, “turn off,” and lament over the fact that what is most frustrating is there are no answers to these questions that a woman finds acceptable. Stop asking. If your clothes are too tight, you know it. And, unless the few pounds has turned into twenty, the DWD men all agree that they can’t tell if the cookies you ate last night made you feel bloated.
Last, don’t ask a man if he loves you. Ever. Words and actions must match. If your man has told you he loves you but begins to pull away, there is a better way to check in on his feelings towards you. And, asking “why” he did or said something makes him feel defensive and childlike. You are not his mother, you are his lover.
2. You say things like, “Just hold me,” even though your man has been spending time with you being affectionate, cuddling and/or giving you attention. Mat Boggs describes it perfectly in his “Cracking the Man Code” Seminar when he states that men need short, attainable goals to feel successful. Men want to please women, in fact, they need to feel like they are your Knight in Shining Armor to keep on keepin’ on.
That said, when he does his best to give you attention, holds on to you while you watch Entourage or Monday Night Football, or reads his book nearby while you give yourself a manicure, let him go away when he needs his space. If you are constantly criticizing him and tell him it’s “not enough” he will want to hide long-term. Instead, settle into the time you are together, be present in the moment, and then encourage him to go play Playstation or watch videos on YouTube when you are done with your nails, the show is finished or it’s halftime.