5 Easy Steps To Get Men To Approach You


Flirting Tips: 5 Easy Steps To Get Men To Approach You
He keeps staring, but he never makes a move. Find out why.

Here is a problem that may sound superficial and fabricated; many beautiful women complain that men do not approach them — at all. With the occasional exception of a brave drunk in a local pub who cannot even pronounce his own name, men will look at a beautiful woman then look away never to come close. I had a client recently who was a stunningly beautiful woman in her late twenties. She related a story of being in a bar and eying a good-looking guy at the other end. She though he was interested too, as he kept glancing at her when he thought she was not looking. My client told me she spent the whole night "willing him in her mind" to come over and talk to her. He didn't. I asked if she tried smiling at him. "Absolutely not!" she responded, "I did not want him to think I was trying to pick him up." Newsflash, ladies; guys don’t mind being picked up. Many of them like it and even wait for it.

There are many reasons men do not approach beautiful women. Most of them have to do with insecurity. In his mind, if a guy approaches a woman who is a 6 or a 7, he has a great shot of getting a date with her. However, approaching a 10 will end not only in rejection but also utter humiliation as she will be indignant at the very thought of him even talking to her; how dare he, a simple 7, approach a perfect 10? Yes, ladies, even great looking guys have insecurities. Those insecurities cannot be "willed away." So stop thinking about it. Do something.

Here are a few steps to help you become more approachable to men:

  1. Body Language Matters: It is important to pay attention to the message you're giving with your body. Avoid poses and gestures that scream "stay away," such as crossing your arms and legs. While you should always maintain good posture, avoid standing stiffly with both legs planted straight on the floor. This posture signals hostility. On the other hand, slouching or leaning against a wall or a bar not only shows lack of interest, but also disdain.
  2. Appropriate Eye Contact Goes A Long Way: When people get nervous, they tend to avoid direct eye contact. However, avoiding eye contact also shows disinterest and aloofness. On the other hand, long hard stare can seem not only impolite, but also arrogant and insulting. Learn to flirt with your eyes; catch his eye and look directly at him for about three seconds. Then look away and smile. After a few minutes try the same again. This flirtatious eye contact sends a clear message of interest.
  3. Smile: Smiling is hands down the best signal of not only interest, but also approachability. You may wish to practice smiling in front of a mirror to ensure your smile looks natural and inviting. There is nothing worse than a fake smile that clearly says you are merely going through the motions. Learn to smile with your eyes. Unless you hear a tragic story, which is an exception, do not drop your smile. It is your most inviting attribute!
  4. Skip The Crowd: Who you are with makes a big difference in how approachable you are to a man. When you go out in hopes to meet a guy, go with a single woman friend or two at most. Don't surround yourself with too many girlfriends or he might be intimidated to make the first move. On the other hand, surrounding yourself with male friends will, likewise, give the wrong message; a woman surrounded by many male friends is either taken or is already talking to someone in whom she is interested.
  5. You Go First: Sometimes no matter what you do, it's hard to get the man you're interested in to approach you. When all else fails, consider making the first move. It's okay and sometimes even desirable to approach a man first.

More flirting tips on YourTango:

Article contributed by
Advanced Member

Marina Margulis


New York Socials is an exclusive members-only dating club. We operate on principle that dating should be easy and natural. To achieve that, we organize Socials for our club members. Socials are cocktail parties where we introduce men to a number of women carefully preselected for them.

For more information, please visit my website at New York Socials.

Read my blog at Blog

Location: New York, NY
Credentials: CPC, Other
Other Articles/News by Marina Margulis:

5 Signs Your Relationship Is Over


As a relationship coach, I sometimes have to advise couples to do something they hate to hear: break up. It is always just as painful for me as it is for the couple. Some call it tough love. Some call it being cruel to be kind. I call it a jolt into reality. Very often one or both partners cannot come to grips with the reality that the feeling of love and ... Read more

Fostering A Love That Lasts—It's Still Possible!


A few days ago I had the honor of spending a weekend with a couple that has been together for sixteen years. It seems that it is less and less often that I meet people who have been together for over ten years. But there they were—sixteen. They held hands as they walked. They stared at each other as if in admiration. Every chance they had, they would ... Read more

11 Biggest Turnoffs For Men


"What's wrong with me? I am pretty, intelligent and accomplished. Guys should be more than happy to get a date with me!" If only I had a nickel for every time I hear that phrase or a variation thereof. This cry for help usually comes from a woman who is, indeed, beautiful and intelligent. On the surface, she appears a total package. Yet there ... Read more

See More


Sign up for our daily email and get the stories everyone is talking about.

Ask The Experts

Have a dating or relationship question?
Visit Ask YourTango and let our experts and community answer.