Here is a problem that may sound superficial and fabricated; many beautiful women complain that men do not approach them — at all. With the occasional exception of a brave drunk in a local pub who cannot even pronounce his own name, men will look at a beautiful woman then look away never to come close. I had a client recently who was a stunningly beautiful woman in her late twenties. She related a story of being in a bar and eying a good-looking guy at the other end. She though he was interested too, as he kept glancing at her when he thought she was not looking. My client told me she spent the whole night "willing him in her mind" to come over and talk to her. He didn't. I asked if she tried smiling at him. "Absolutely not!" she responded, "I did not want him to think I was trying to pick him up." Newsflash, ladies; guys don’t mind being picked up. Many of them like it and even wait for it.
There are many reasons men do not approach beautiful women. Most of them have to do with insecurity. In his mind, if a guy approaches a woman who is a 6 or a 7, he has a great shot of getting a date with her. However, approaching a 10 will end not only in rejection but also utter humiliation as she will be indignant at the very thought of him even talking to her; how dare he, a simple 7, approach a perfect 10? Yes, ladies, even great looking guys have insecurities. Those insecurities cannot be "willed away." So stop thinking about it. Do something.
Here are a few steps to help you become more approachable to men:
- Body Language Matters: It is important to pay attention to the message you're giving with your body. Avoid poses and gestures that scream "stay away," such as crossing your arms and legs. While you should always maintain good posture, avoid standing stiffly with both legs planted straight on the floor. This posture signals hostility. On the other hand, slouching or leaning against a wall or a bar not only shows lack of interest, but also disdain.
- Appropriate Eye Contact Goes A Long Way: When people get nervous, they tend to avoid direct eye contact. However, avoiding eye contact also shows disinterest and aloofness. On the other hand, long hard stare can seem not only impolite, but also arrogant and insulting. Learn to flirt with your eyes; catch his eye and look directly at him for about three seconds. Then look away and smile. After a few minutes try the same again. This flirtatious eye contact sends a clear message of interest.
- Smile: Smiling is hands down the best signal of not only interest, but also approachability. You may wish to practice smiling in front of a mirror to ensure your smile looks natural and inviting. There is nothing worse than a fake smile that clearly says you are merely going through the motions. Learn to smile with your eyes. Unless you hear a tragic story, which is an exception, do not drop your smile. It is your most inviting attribute!
- Skip The Crowd: Who you are with makes a big difference in how approachable you are to a man. When you go out in hopes to meet a guy, go with a single woman friend or two at most. Don't surround yourself with too many girlfriends or he might be intimidated to make the first move. On the other hand, surrounding yourself with male friends will, likewise, give the wrong message; a woman surrounded by many male friends is either taken or is already talking to someone in whom she is interested.
- You Go First: Sometimes no matter what you do, it's hard to get the man you're interested in to approach you. When all else fails, consider making the first move. It's okay and sometimes even desirable to approach a man first.
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