Promise these will NEVER make it onto your "to-say" list.
Last night, as yours truly was occupying a seat on a subway platform bench, leafing through the newly obtained Rubin Museum Catalog, a young man in his 20s approached me. At first he complimented me on my hair.
I said "thank you" and continued to leaf. Then he mumbled something. I asked what he wanted — twice. He was asking my name. I told him. He reciprocated.
Still thinking nothing other than how polite young men are these days, I stared into my bible-sized book when I heard the following: "Yo, baby, why don't me and you go chilling or something?"
I almost dropped the catalog on my foot (which would easily decapitate my big toe or in the best case scenario leave me limping for a few years).
I did not see that one coming.
I believe that was a pick up. I am not sure what left me more flabbergasted — the fact that the young man who could be my much younger brother was hitting on me or the hideousness of that pick up attempt full of dating fails.
I decided it was the latter — because it had me laughing all the way home. I also started to think back about all the terrible pick up lines I have heard from my clients. They were numerous and they were bad — like, I want to cringe, roll up into a ball and hide under my blanket bad.
Yet over the years, men had insisted on using them to pick up women.
Gentlemen, I can assure you no woman was, is or ever will be attracted or even remotely interested as a result of these.
The only thing they are good for is a good laugh around the table with our girlfriends.
As for you guys, anything you want to use as a pick up line, please run it by a few people first (preferably of the female persuasion) just to gage its sanity and/or usefulness.
So while we wait for all the guys out there to equip themselves with less woman-repellent openers, I present to you, in no particular order, the best 20 pick up lines that I have heard.
1. "Did it hurt when you fell from heaven?"
2. "Are you tired? Because you've been running through my mind all day."
3. "You are a thief because you stole my heart."
4. "I must be a snowflake because I have fallen for you."
5. "I have a place in Miami in case you're available next weekend."
6. "Something is wrong with my cell phone — your number is not in it."
7. "Is your Dad an art thief? Because you're a masterpiece."
8. "Can you kiss me on the cheek so that I can say a cute girl kissed me tonight?"
9. "Someone call the cops because it is illegal to be that good looking!"
10. "I'll cook you dinner if you cook me breakfast."
11. "People call me John, but you can call me Tonight."
12. "The only way your hair can look any better is on my pillow."
13. "I've got skittles in my mouth. Want to taste the rainbow?"
14. "Are you from Tennessee? Because you're the only ten I see."
15. "Nice shoes, let's bang."
16. "Baby, I wear size 14 in men's shoes."
17. "Tell your boobs to stop staring at my eyes."
18. "Do you have a map? Cause I just got lost in your eyes."
19. "I would buy you a drink, but I would be jealous of the glass."
20. "What are the chances I'll see you naked tonight?"
Do you have more terrible pick up lines? Please share. Thus, little by little we can rid the world of horrible pick up openers. Or at least have a good laugh in the meantime.