What I've learned from sex with women makes sex with men SO much hotter.
I have been attracted to both women and men as long as I can remember.
As soon as I understood what sexual orientation was I identified as bisexual. Back then, we didn’t talk about pansexual. Now that we do, I still identify as a bisexual person who is fluid, as I am attracted to people of all genders and sexes.
Early on I realized that sex with women was really different from sex with men.
This may seem obvious, but I know a lot of people who approach sex the same way no matter the gender of the person they are having sex with.
I found I felt less performance anxiety when I was intimate with women.
This seemed pretty strange to me since initially I had more sex with men than with women so I thought I would find sex with men easier. But I didn’t.
I always found flirting with women harder — and still do today — but once the agreement to have sex was made, everything seemed so much less pressured.
It didn’t matter whether the sex was rough and intense or slow and lazy — it was just less stress laden. It was easier for me to shut out the rest of the world and focus on the lovemaking.
When I realized I found sex easier, and sometimes hotter, with women, I decided to look at my 10 most steamy satisfying sexual experiences with women and analyzed them and then compared them to my 10 most steamy satisfying sexual experiences with men to see what made some of the ones with women just that bit MORE satisfying and then seeing if I could apply these things to having sex with men.
Here's what I came up with:
1. Lady parts (vaginas, vulvas, clitorii) are complex and each woman’s parts are different.
Women take more time to learn my lady parts then men do. Having figured this out, I decided I could either ask men to take the time or make a game out of it.
Start by only allowing exploration with hands and fingers, then move to lips, tongue, mouth and then move to penetrative sex. Have sex with the lights on and encourage him to look at what he is touching.
2. Man parts (penii, balls, assholes) are less complex but each man’s parts are different.
I take time to explore every man I have sex with. Sometimes fast, urgent, rough sex is fantastic. That is not when I explore slowly!
But sex becomes far hotter when I make the time to study his body in depth.
3. You can use many more body parts to bring someone to orgasm than just hands, mouth, and penis.
My first girlfriend taught me about sex by riding my thigh, my knee, my arm, and my ass. There are so many ways to mount or be mounted, to rub against each other until orgasm is reached.
I have since been fucked by a man’s thigh, rubbed myself against his ass until I was screaming — and the hottest moment by far involved a boot (but I digress ...).
4. The sexual positions in the Kama Sutra are less difficult than you might think.
Scissoring seemed impossible the first time I tried it with a woman. Once I learned, I tried with a man which was a different experience entirely, but equally as hot.
My sex with women has been more adventurous when it comes to positions than my sex with men. It doesn’t have to be that way, but in the past it has been too easy to stick to a few favorite positions instead of trying new things.
Also, like most women (research quotes between 50 - 80%), I have trouble reaching orgasm through penetration alone. Different positions allow for more pressure to be put on the clitoris, either by you or your partner, which usually means orgasm is far more likely.
And speaking of orgasms…
5. There are many different types of orgasm.
I experienced my first G-spot orgasm with a girlfriend who was using a G-spot vibrator on me. I experienced my first orgasm through breast stimulation with a girlfriend. I experienced my first full body orgasm with a boyfriend.
Focusing on clitoral orgasm means that you miss out on a lot. Equally, men can experience different types of orgasm that don’t involve ejaculation! They can even have multiple orgasms like women can do.
One way to start introducing this is by bringing your man to the brink of orgasm and then stopping and letting him cool down a bit — known as edging. Do this a few times, and when you finally do follow through he will explode and see stars.
6. You can use your fingers, hands, lips, tongue, and teeth in a million different ways.
Ok, maybe not a million, but it sure can feel like it!
Fisting can be done gently, and it is an incredibly intense experience. Biting, sucking and nipping with teeth and tongue can produce sensations ranging from pure pleasure, to pleasurable pain — to an intensity that will raise all the hair on your body and make it hard for you to know whether to scream stop or more.
7. The brain is the most potent erogenous zone.
I learned this equally from women and men. The mind is where arousal starts and there are so many ways to start a fire, build it up to an incandescent blaze, and then, when it dies down, reignite it from the embers.
Talking about your desires, likes, dislikes and fantasies is incredibly sexy. Writing erotic love letters or stories, reading erotica to each other, watching pornography together — all of this can start your imagination flowing, which then gets your juices flowing.
8. The whole body is an erogenous zone.
The skin is our largest organ and the most incredible erogenous zone. Different types of touch (lightly scratching, pinching, nipping, biting, stroking, deep scratching, pulling) on different parts of your skin will produce a multitude of sexy sensations.
Releasing areas of tension in the body through erotic massage can be orgasmic on its own.
Hair is incredibly sexy — pulling on it, running your fingers through it, stroking it — feeling the different textures.
Here’s to being bisexual and the excitement it can bring to all the sexual experiences you have!
I’d love to hear about your experiences as you try out some of these ideas if they are new to you or your past experiences if you are already expert. You can write me at email@example.com. Find out more about my adventures at www.the-intimacy-coach.com.