Trust us, we know a thing or two about female orgasm.
All women have a lot in common with each other; we are sisters after all.
But some years ago I realized that I don’t go about relationships, dating and sex in quite the same way as my vanilla, straight sisters.
I tried to work out how much of a difference there was because of kink, polyamory, and sexual orientation. But, in the end, I realized it didn’t matter what part came from where. What matters are there are a few differences in how LGBTQ women show up that (if you borrow this advice) can make relationships better for you, straight ladies.
Here are 5 tips for all the vanilla, straight girls out there ... courtesy of your LGBTQ sisters:
1. Talk about your preferences before having sex.
LGBTQ and kinky folks tend to talk more about what they like and don’t like (and what they do and don't want to do) with a potential partner before tumbling into bed with someone. Thus, it makes the sex much more satisfying right away.
Perhaps this is because we want to make sure we're compatible with someone before investing in the relationship.
Anonymous gay sex still happens of course, but with the wide variety of diseases out there these days, there is a push to have the safe sex talk before indulging. And all of that "this is what I like" conversation before we hit the bedroom means we may have been turned on for days.
By the time we get to the bedroom, the fire is already going.
2. Make sure you're familiar with the female anatomy.
The more you know about the female body (aka your own body), the more varied and better your orgasms will be.
Recent research from the Kinsey Institute highlights that lesbian women are most likely to have consistent orgasms during sex with a partner when compared to straight and bisexual peers. And one of the reasons? Lesbians are familiar with the female body.
So, learn your own anatomy and then make sure your partner learns your body, too.
3. Foreplay can be hotter than f*cking.
Many women find orgasm during intercourse extremely difficult and only 25 percent reach orgasm regularly through penetration. This statistic comes from not one study, but a review of over 33 studies conducted over the past 80 years.
Many women don’t realize that this challenge in orgasming during intercourse is normal! For most women, orgasm results from clitoral stimulation and this is very difficult to get from straight forward intercourse. Now, if your partner slips a hand down while you're having intercourse and rubs your clitoris, then you may well have an orgasm. (Hooray for that!)
LGBTQ sisters spend far more time using mouth, tongues, fingers, and sex toys, exploring all the female erogenous zones in depth. F*cking can include using a strap-on, a vibrator, a dildo, fingers or even a fist. Sometimes, there is no penetration at all.
4. Have fun with toys.
The only vibrator I was exposed to when I was in my teens was hard plastic, white and, completely unappealing.
Today, there is an amazing array of vibrators. There are vibrators for direct clitoral stimulation, others are insertables that can be turned on and off by remote control, others are specifically focused on the G-spot while still others are used primarily for anal stimulation.
Besides vibrators, there is a plethora of other sex toys, from nipple stimulators to blindfolds to butt plugs. Many toys can be used alone so you can experiment with different sensations.
If you are single, this means that time alone doesn't need to be boring. If you are in a relationship, you can bring what you learn into playing with your partner.
5. Explore what turns you on first, then share it with your partner.
The more you know about what makes you burn, the more fun you will have. Likewise, the more willing you are to tell your partner about what turns you on, the more fun you will have.
Since LGBTQ people tend to question their own sexuality first before "coming out" (or at least, partially), they have spent time exploring themselves and accepting all their desires and kinks. As a result, we really value the ability to be authentic in the world.
Authenticity is sexy as hell.
Authenticity, communication, and exploration are the keys to sizzling hot sex and excellent intimate relationships no matter what your identity or orientation are.
This article was originally published at The-Intimacy-Coach.com Dr Lori Beth's blog. Reprinted with permission from the author.