Two years ago, I married the coolest man on the planet. I often say that he's my rock and he rocks my world.
Unfortunately, my husband travels regularly for work. Every week, Sunday through Thursday, he jets to a client's location, which leaves me alone in our bedroom four nights a week. And when my husband does come home on Thursday nights, he's typically tired, worn out and not exactly primed for sex. What's a girl in her late 30s—her sexual prime—to do?
Improvise. If you, like me, feel challenged because you and your partner's sexual urges aren't syncing up, read on. I've developed a system that seems to be working for us. I hope it'll work for you, too.
1. Give Your Partner What He Needs. In bed by 10 p.m. on a Thursday night? Oh baby! At first, I loved that my husband wanted to go straight to bed when he got home from his week away. But then I realized he actually wanted to sleep. I used to take it personally until I put myself in his shoes. This smart, successful, sweet man makes huge sacrifices for our future by spending much of his life on airplanes, racking up enough frequent flier miles so we can go to Europe every two years for free and in general living the majority of his work life on the road. So if he needs a night of actual sleep (accompanied by some serious snuggling)? So be it. He's always re-energized and ready for more than snuggling the next day. 1 In 4 Americans Are Too Tired For Sex
2. Communicate Your Needs (But Don't Demand). Being in my sexual prime, I take care of my own sexual needs all week long. When my husband is home? I want HIM, not my boyfriend with batteries. And while I used to get pouty and demanding when I wasn't getting the sexual attention I desired, I have since learned that drama-free communication is the way to go. After he's had his good night's sleep, I give my husband plenty of hugs and kisses. I tell him I love and appreciate him. And then I lean into him in that not-so-subtle way I did when we were dating and he gets the message. He also lets me know if it's too soon, or simply takes me by the hand and leads me into the bedroom. Disco!
3. Make Time For Foreplay Without Expectations. Can I be honest? When it comes to sexual gratification, I often feel like the Dude in our marriage. I want to get in, get out and get on with my day. Fortunately, my husband has taught me the pleasures of delayed gratification. And one of the ways in which we reconnect after four days apart is by taking our foreplay very slowly, and without expectations. We'll steal a few minutes in the hallway for a passionate makeout session. We'll caress each other lovingly during conversations. And we'll hug, snuggle and love each other all day long so that we reconnect with one another physically before ever initiating sex. Holding Hands Is Ridiculously Good For You
To really make this advice work, you need to follow these action steps to complete today's challenge.
Right now, I want you to:
Own your own sexual needs and communicate them to your partner. Ask to hear your partner's needs, too.
Within 7 days I want you to:
Initiate non-sexual physical contact with your partner that lets him know you love and appreciate him.
By the end of the challenge I want you to:
Set aside one evening per week to enjoy a slow, romantic date with your partner. Talk. Laugh. Touch. And see where it leads!