Two years ago, I married the coolest man on the planet. I often say that he's my rock and he rocks my world.
Unfortunately, my husband travels regularly for work. Every week, Sunday through Thursday, he jets to a client's location, which leaves me alone in our bedroom four nights a week. And when my husband does come home on Thursday nights, he's typically tired, worn out and not exactly primed for sex. What's a girl in her late 30s—her sexual prime—to do?
Improvise. If you, like me, feel challenged because you and your partner's sexual urges aren't syncing up, read on. I've developed a system that seems to be working for us. I hope it'll work for you, too.
1. Give Your Partner What He Needs. In bed by 10 p.m. on a Thursday night? Oh baby! At first, I loved that my husband wanted to go straight to bed when he got home from his week away. But then I realized he actually wanted to sleep. I used to take it personally until I put myself in his shoes. This smart, successful, sweet man makes huge sacrifices for our future by spending much of his life on airplanes, racking up enough frequent flier miles so we can go to Europe every two years for free and in general living the majority of his work life on the road. So if he needs a night of actual sleep (accompanied by some serious snuggling)? So be it. He's always re-energized and ready for more than snuggling the next day. 1 In 4 Americans Are Too Tired For Sex
2. Communicate Your Needs (But Don't Demand). Being in my sexual prime, I take care of my own sexual needs all week long. When my husband is home? I want HIM, not my boyfriend with batteries. And while I used to get pouty and demanding when I wasn't getting the sexual attention I desired, I have since learned that drama-free communication is the way to go. After he's had his good night's sleep, I give my husband plenty of hugs and kisses. I tell him I love and appreciate him. And then I lean into him in that not-so-subtle way I did when we were dating and he gets the message. He also lets me know if it's too soon, or simply takes me by the hand and leads me into the bedroom. Disco!
3. Make Time For Foreplay Without Expectations. Can I be honest? When it comes to sexual gratification, I often feel like the Dude in our marriage. I want to get in, get out and get on with my day. Fortunately, my husband has taught me the pleasures of delayed gratification. And one of the ways in which we reconnect after four days apart is by taking our foreplay very slowly, and without expectations. We'll steal a few minutes in the hallway for a passionate makeout session. We'll caress each other lovingly during conversations. And we'll hug, snuggle and love each other all day long so that we reconnect with one another physically before ever initiating sex. Holding Hands Is Ridiculously Good For You
4. Spend Non-Sexual Time Together In The Bedroom. After my husband has had his good night's sleep, and before we initiate sex, we spend time together in the bedroom, laughing, talking and flirting. This helps us both relax, reconnect and rebuild our sexual and sensual bond with one another. Don't overlook the importance of connecting with your partner in the bedroom without the expectation of sex.
5. Flirt Outside The Bedroom. Our foreplay typically begins in the kitchen. My husband peruses his favorite cooking magazines, we take a trip to his favorite local markets and, in the evening, we put on some music, don our aprons and cook together. We spend hours prepping, cooking and—finally—eating. By the time we're done, we're relaxed and feeling romantic. Once the food has settled in our stomachs? It's ON! If you or your spouse are not adept in the kitchen, flirt elsewhere. The key is to find ways to connect with one another that feel organic and spontaneous. Bond over reading the Sunday paper on the couch. Spend time together gardening in the back yard. Finding unique ways to connect with your partner outside the bedroom will enhance what happens in the bedroom. 5 Simple Hobbies That Can Help Couples Reconnect
So there you have it. My 5 ways to rev up your sex life when you're short on time. See which tips work for you. And share your successes with me here.