***Join us on Thursday, Sept 1st at 2PM EST on our Facebook page and ask Lisa your love, dating and breakup questions. Post them in advance on YourTango's wall or ask them the day of on our Facebook page.***
There’s no denying it. Breaking up is oh-so hard to do, especially if you're the one getting the boot, and even more so if the breakup was unexpected. But did you know there's an upside to a broken heart? In the midst of all the tears, emotional eating, and constantly wondering what went wrong, there is a silver lining. But in order to see it, you've got to first get through the initial stages of loss. The following tried-and-true techniques should help kick start the healing process so that you not only survive your breakup, but you eventually thrive!
Step #1: EXtract Your Ex from Your Life
Immediately following the breakup, cut your ex out of your life. That means no cyber stalking on Facebook or Twitter, no 3 a.m. desperation emails or texts, and no driving by your ex’s house to see who's home (or who’s with them). You should also make a clean sweep of your home, getting rid of any and all items that remind you or relate to your ex. This exorcism can be challenging but in order to really move on after a breakup, it's absolutely essential.
If you have to keep your ex in your life (if you have kids together, run a business together, etc.), you should immediately create new boundaries and ground rules. For example, only discuss matters relating to your children or business and avoid talking about your personal lives. Do NOT try to help each other through the breakup. (That's what your Boohoo Crew is for!)
Step #2: Recruit a Boohoo Crew
As much as your instincts may be nudging you to wallow all alone in your comfy breakup cocoon, you're never going to get through the breakup without your friends. Which is why now's the time to recruit a Boohoo Crew. Part cheerleader, part therapist, your Boohoo Crew should be reliable, patient, and consist of at least three friends for round-the-clock supervision and support. The role of the Boohoo Crew is to provide the following:
- A shoulder to cry on
- A voice of reason
- Damage control (in case you get the urge to contact your ex)
- The bright side
Step #3: Celebrate Your Slump
Feeling down in the dumps after getting dumped? Give yourself time to celebrate your slump. Call in sick for work and curl up on the couch all day watching movies or listening to music. Or better yet, engage in a little retail therapy. Buy yourself something your ex would've hated (if he loved you in black, buy something bright red!). Or recruit your Boohoo Crew and go on an impromptu road trip. Do whatever you need to do to celebrate your slump. In doing so, you'll eventually summon the strength to dump your slump and move on.