My client, Lily, almost ruined her relationship with Jasper when she took some bad advice from a well-intentioned friend. It was past midnight when Lily lamented to Sophia that she really couldn't tell if Jasper was attracted to her. "I dare you to text him and say that you're coming over for a booty call," Sophia said, egging her on. This is grounds for creating a frenemie zone.
Lily always felt shy and reserved when it came to men. Maybe Sophia was right—it wouldn't hurt to be more forthright, and she could do with a little adventure. Besides, playing the good girl hadn't gotten her anywhere. Lily grabbed her phone, punched in the message and hit the send button before she could change her mind. In a matter of seconds her phone buzzed. "Don't come over. Early day tomorrow." When she saw Jasper two days later, he was angry and said that she was sending him mixed messages, playing the good girl one minute and a tease the next. At our weekly session, tears were streaming down Lily's cheeks as she told me that she felt stupid and humiliated. What could she possibly say to fix the situation?
Have you ever regretted taking relationship advice from a girlfriend? Girlfriends will love and support you unconditionally, but often their advice is the exact opposite of what you need to do if you are going to have an emotionally naked relationship. Let's look at five reasons why listening to their advice might be hazardous to health of your romantic relationship.
1. Your girlfriends will support your insanity no matter what.
Girlfriends are valuable because they love you unconditionally; however, that also means they might support your bad decisions. Your best friend might accompany you to drive by your crushes house to see if he's alone, or sit with you while you stalk his ex-girlfriend's Facebook page. They're your friends for a reason: because they support you no matter what. As a Naked Dater, when your crazy begins to show, you need to find friends who will tell you, "No!"
2. Your girlfriends probably aren't in solid relationships themselves.
People love to give advice, but it's almost impossible to get good relationship advice from girlfriends who are not in healthy, emotionally naked relationships themselves, or in relationships at all. Before you take advice from a girlfriend, look at her relationship, or lack of one, and ask yourself if this is someone who is really in a position to be giving advice. If not, speak to a friend who is in a solid relationship you admire. The only people who are truly qualified to give others advice on relationships are those who are living, breathing examples of what do.
3. Your girlfriends might encourage you to play games—this never works.