Don't Go Viral: What You Must Know Before You Send A Sexy Selfie

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sexy selfie
Sexy selfies are all the rage but here's what you need to ask yourself before you share yours.

To send a sexy selfie or not to send one? Lingerie shot? Topless? The Full Monty? After all, it's only going to your boyfriend and he's promised not share it. He swears he loves you and would never do anything to hurt you. You think using Snapchat will protect you, forgetting that taking a screenshot of the picture before it disappears is possible. Welcome to love in the 21st Century.

Jennette McCurdy sent a "sexy selfie" to Detroit Piston Andre Drummond during their week-long "romance." Just days after she gave a less than complimentary review of his kissing during an interview, the picture appeared on TMZ. She laid the blame at Mr. Drummond's door. In a responding tweet, Ms. McCurdy claimed to be "shocked someone would stoop that low".

 

Shocked? Really? Has she been living on another planet? Is she not aware of revenge porn sites whose sole purpose is to publish intimate photos of exes sent at a happier time in a relationship? Sure in the photo Jennette McCurdy sent, she's wearing lingerie and her career probably won't be damaged. You might not be so lucky.

Imagine you've just applied for the job of your dreams. The company has been in constant contact, conducting interviews at ever higher levels, even promising you a signing bonus if you make it through the process. Suddenly, the head of the Human Resource Department won't return your calls. Neither will anyone else you got to know at the company. You're confused and devastated by this turn of events. More than likely you've been Googled.

You flash back to that nude or semi-nude photo you sent to your old boyfriend when you were in high school or college. He told you that he loved you. He told you that it was just for him and he wouldn't show it to anyone. Guess what, you were wrong. And now it's there for all the world to see. Anytime, for as long as the internet exists.

The biggest question you need to ask before you send a provocative picture of yourself is, "What will I do if it is posted on the internet?" Because you have to be prepared for that to happen. Once the photo is out of your hands, you have no control over what happens to it. I know you want to believe it won't happen to you. Your guy is trustworthy and he truly loves you. After all, you wouldn't be with someone who would hurt or humiliate you in that way. Are you willing to bet your future on this? Are you prepared for your professor, your co-worker in the next cubicle, your future mother-in-law, your neighbor, to have seen you in lingerie or your birthday suit? If not, take a moment (or a few) to consider the action you are about to take.

The public release of intimate private photos has ended a promising political career, Anthony Weiner, brought sexual harassment charges for a champion athlete, Bret Favre, and has resulted in criminal investigations in 13 counties in North Carolina that could bring charges of dissemination of obscenity, sexual exploitation of a minor, and cyberbullying against those who created the accounts and anyone else who uploaded the photos. The young ladies who appear in the nude and sexual images have been the recipients of "slut shaming" by their classmates and the public at large.

During a discussion of this case with my 18-year-old daughter, a schoolmate of one of those girls, she stated that any woman who believes her boyfriend won't share the pictures with his friends is delusional. She also pointed out that, if they can see the real thing, why do they need a picture? For your future protection, their memory should be enough.

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Article contributed by

Lesli Doares

Relationship Coach

Lesli Doares, MFT

Lesli writes about issues related to marriage and relationships at afearlessmarriage.com.  She is the author of Blueprint for a Lasting Marriage:  How to Create Your Happily Ever After with More Intention, Less Work, a manual for couples on how to have a long and successful marriage.  Lesli also speaks passionately on many relationship-related topics.

Location: Cary, NC
Credentials: LMFT
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