Marrying my husband was the best decision I ever made. 29 years later and we're happier than ever!
My dearest husband,
Our 29th wedding anniversary is right around the corner, and everywhere I turn these days it seems someone is talking about how marriage is unnecessary or that it just ends up making both people miserable.
Really? Because I LOVE being married. I think so many people take their spouse and marriage for granted, but I'm not one of them. So, I want to make a public declaration of how truly grateful I am to call myself your wife.
Being married to you has been a fantastic and wonderful adventure. I look forward to each and every day I get to spend with you, and here's why:
1. Our love is real. People often say that marriage is hard work ... and most people make that a reality. I don't really understand it because I've never found being married to you difficult in any way. From the moment we decided to join our lives together, my life became easier.
We were already "in love" but, over the years, we've also learned to really love each other. Many people think those are the same, but I know they're not. And it's knowing the difference and learning to live into it that makes our marriage feel easier and more fun.
I'm not saying it's always been hearts and unicorns, but the difficulties we ran into always felt manageable. Maybe that's because you've always had my back.
2. You are my safe place. I didn't always trust that this was true. In the very beginning of our relationship, I had to share something about my past that was very difficult because I wasn't very proud of it. And because our relationship was long-distance, I delayed telling you for some time.
I still remember how scared I was to face you because this things from my past, I believed, might change everything between us. But after I told you, you just looked at me, gently laughed and said, "Is that what all the fuss was over?" I knew from that moment on I would always be emotionally safe with you.
Coming from a place where I often felt invisible and abandoned, this was heaven. Because of your love and support, I've never felt the need to hide anything from you. I know that, due to your sense of honesty, you've never hidden anything from me, either.
It's this ability to completely trust in each other that has allowed our love to not only survive, but thrive!
3. You make me a better person. I know that it's impossible to actually change another person. Some people try to change their spouse because something about them is frustrating or annoying, but that effort usually makes things worse.
I have a hot temper and often let it loose whenever I get triggered. I remember when you asked me if I would stop taking a flamethrower to everything in my path when I got upset. What you really meant was—would I please stop taking your head off when I was upset about something else.
I never thought much about the impact of my temper until that moment, but I never want to make you feel bad, so I decided to honor your request and learn to manage my outbursts. While I'm still not perfect, I know I'm better simply because you asked me to try.
4. We're a team, baby! So many people fear fully committing to marriage (and to their partner). They believe they'll have to give up their identity, independence, and end up absorbed into the "blob" that is marriage.
Accused of that early on after you finished your PhD, I had to move on. I wasn't done yet with my own PhD and my program wouldn't let me finish long distance.
So, I chose to leave with only my master's degree and heard many disparaging remarks about my "giving up my career" for a man from others. But, you and I have always worked as a team. We look at what's best for our marriage and the life we're building, and so, I made a choice.
It's just one of the many decisions we have made together ... and I've never regretted any of them.
5. Restarting our "honeymoon phase." Our children are now on their way to becoming adults. It's an exciting time for them, of course, but also ... for us. Because we took the time to nurture our relationship, and stay both friends and lovers through the years, the empty nest doesn't really feel all that empty.
We're back to just the two of us and I hope we have many more terrific years together. I am so glad that when you proposed and I asked, "Are you seriously asking?" you said, "Yes." I know that it isn't just in fairy tales that a couple lives "happily ever after." We're living that happy ending every single day
Your Loving, Adoring Wife
Lesli Doares is a therapist, coach and the founder of foundationscoachingnc.com a practical alternative for couple's worldwide looking to improve their marriage without traditional therapy. Call Lesli at 1-919-924-0463 to schedule a free 1-hour consultation today or email her at firstname.lastname@example.org for a private discussion about how to make your marriage thrive!