Tom and Cassidy were like many couples who show up in my office for marriage counseling because they had trouble communicating. What this really meant is that they fought constantly about everything. Each was hurt, angry and full of resentment. They were more than a little shocked about how badly things had fallen apart in their ten years of marriage. On that beautiful summer's day so long ago, when they pledged their love for each other, neither ever thought they would be here, feeling this way. Will Men Date Divorced Women?
Tom and Cassidy, like most couples, knew all about the divorce statistics when they got married. What they didn't know were the 10 signs they should be looking for to warn them that their marriage was heading for trouble. Are You Ready For Divorce? 8 Questions You Should Answer
1. You have a need to be right. You make sure you are "right" and the way you see or do it is the only way. Yet for some unfathomable, illogical and annoying reason, your partner refuses to see it that way. At its extreme, this plays out as self-righteous indignation. If you have to be "right", that makes your partner "wrong", being "wrong" all the time is incompatible with feeling love.
2. You are constantly controlling your partner. Trying to get your partner to change who they are or how they do things is contolling. You try to eliminate your anxiety or discomfort by trying to get your partner to behave the way you think they should. However, most people don't like to be controlled. In fact, what you will create is push back and hostility.
3. There is unrestrained venting. When you start to express true feelings, you share all the ways your partner has made you miserable, in detail and with exclamation points. You then start yelling and screaming, name-calling, ridiculing, being sarcastic, and shaming at your spouse. Frequently, this sharing is done in the heat of anger and unfortunately, things once said are impossible to unhear.
More marriage advice from YourTango: